“Nice to hear your voices,” he lied, as he was rolled before the cameras; the first willing stooge to be flash grilled by Piers, like a Burger King Whooper.
The whoopers, of course, came thick and fast as he refused to answer a simple question: Hey, Matt, were you up for that six-month boycott? Hancock did his best impression of Sir Geoffrey Boycott. Forward defence. Flat bat. You won’t get past me, lad. And so five minutes were wasted as his faux sincerity and nervous laughter defeated the GMB hosts.
We needn’t expect the PM to follow in his footsteps, who is self-isolating at Number 10 Dysfunction Street for the next two weeks as the Brexit talks reach their conclusion. Not that BoJo will be sitting with his feet up, perish the thought. Now that Super Dom and his sidekick, the man who trolled David Cameron in a chicken suit while working for the Daily Mirror, whassisname, are gone, BoJo plans to charm MPs who were reviled by the fearsome Barnard Castle day-tripper.
As well he might. Rishi Sunak has eclipsed him in the popularity stakes and his incompetence, ineptitude and propensity to prevaricate have been laid bare.
Seemingly an insecure loner who just wants to be loved, BoJo is the sort of man whose school report might have said ‘easily led’. Actually, his school report did say something like that, with a housemaster describing his disgracefully cavalier attitude to studies and declaiming BoJo was affronted when challenged about his gross failure of responsibility. Prescient, indeed. The leopard didn’t change his spots.
Still, with all that time at Dysfunction Street, BoJo can get on the blower to his old mucker, President Trumpton, who seems resigned to leaving the White House without being evicted by special agents.
Or, perhaps, he’ll Get Brexit Done – and make sure that the delays to a programme of vaccination caused by slow lorry crossings across the Channel won’t lead to delays and deaths as vials wait on the docks. Then again, he may just tune into Piers and Susanna – that’s the closest he’ll ever get to being interviewed by them.