The battle of emotions and internal struggle to get through tough situations can be huge. We are so hard on ourselves we can’t allow ourselves to be seen to be going through a difficult time, but it’s not a weakness, it’s life. I see it all the time individuals and couples going through what feels like hell but painting a Mary Poppins situations for everyone else.
I understand the desire to put your best foot forward and show no fear in the face of your troubles – and we don’t have to lay ourselves completely bare to all and sundry.
But we all need a trusted circle or a friend or family member that doesn’t use our situation as gossip or pillow talk, rather being there to provide empathy.
I think about another popular TV personality taking their life, or loved ones who are ill, and realise one thing – people need people, and it’s okay to not be okay.
When you feel like you need to contact someone, just do it. Someone contacted me the other day and the timing was perfect – I really needed that human support.
It’s so sad to think there are people out there who don’t have anyone, it might be you reading this now. But it’s not the end despite the popular “No new friends” line by drake, we can’t help but make new friends. It’s never to late to meet your soul sister or brother from another mother. There are so many activities and events going on in Wolverhampton where you can meet new people I urge you to look into it.
It’s also time to throw away the macho man stereotype – men should feel like they are allowed to “be in their feelings”. Men should be able to share their problems if they want, and talk through their troubles.
I can only speak of opinion in my own race as I’ve seen it for myself. I want to empower and encourage black men in particular to not sit in silence and box things up or act like everything’s okay.
Now is the time to phone a trusted friend or family member and talk. Its so sad when I hear ‘Did you see ______ he was “fine” back in the day, don’t know what happened’. He probably felt to ashamed or embarrassed to talk about it, we got to start asking questions or just actively doing things together if talking isn’t your thing.
Times have changed, talking about our feelings and crying can’t just be a “woman thing”. After all, Jesus wept when he was going through pain and felt defeated and cheated by people.
I’m not going to pretend I wouldn’t want my man to put together our Ikea wardrobe or carry the four large tins of paint I bought. But I’d also like him to feel he can cry on my shoulder and tell me his feelings.
Going back to our day to day, sometimes we need a clear out of negative selfish people, it sounds harsh but it’s true. Some people are just not good for our mental health. Cut the cord where possible or just give them a wide birth and if there unavoidable have basic conscious communication. Look at who’s around you, reflect on your own actions and then reflect on theirs.
Me and my close girls are going to do regular check ins and have a “get it off our chest day”. We can offload whatever is bugging us and leave it there. It will probably be the juiciest group chat out here with the most fruitful words of profanity, and I’d encourage you to do the same.
When you’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed or defeated try to think about a time something you did made you smile and feel genuine joy inside.
If you can’t do that thing within immediate effect plan towards doing it.
I took time away from writing and after months I realised, writing gives me joy and makes me smile. I was doing it the least instead of the most. Now I I can’t stop writing films, short sketches anything really. These articles
are one of favourite things to write and if only one person reads my article it makes my day, and I’m motivated for the next one.
I’m sending out happy thoughts and love to everyone, and remember people need people.