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The do’s and DO NOTS of break-ups

Talking Point | Published:

Struggling after a big break-up? Talking Point columnist Beverley Momenabadi has top tips for you.

Can you restrain from texting your ex?

We’ve all been there; the incessant Facebook stalking, sometimes even just checking if they’re online on WhatsApp.

The meeting up to ‘return belongings’ because you want to see them.

It’s all part of the break-up process.

Recently, a few friends of mine went through break-ups.

It’s so painful watching them break their hearts over ‘The One’ that they thought they’d spend the rest of their lives with.

But guess what, they ALL got over it.

So, here are the stages that most of us go through when breaking-up in the modern age – and how to cope best.

1) Stop checking his/her Facebook page. Just stop it, delete them. There’s no need for you to have him on Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat. You don’t need to see him enjoying himself without you, or with the lads on a big night out or even with his new squeeze. Eventually, he’s going to delete you anyway so you might as well get it over and done with.

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2) Cry, cry again and cry a little more. Stop pretending you are so strong. Break-ups are painful and emotional and there is no shame in being honest about this. My usual line is, ‘I don’t even feel emotional about him anymore’. This is a lie. I feel hugely emotional; when I go to work, when I see couples all loved up, when a certain song comes on, when I carry on watching the series that we used to watch together. It’s OK to be sad, angry, frustrated, hurt or regretful. We need to get this out of our system, so spend time crying and reaching out to people to stop your low mood spiralling.

3) Restrain yourself from texting, or at least drunk texting. Write that text message if it makes you feel better, then put the phone down without sending it. Go back after 10 minutes and rewrite it, but take the heat out. Leave for another 10 minutes and have another look, does it really need to be said? At 2am? Probably not.

4) Breaking the news to friends, family and colleagues. Personally, this is the part I dread most and normally the reason we stay in relationships longer than we should. Normally, we’re Ok telling friends; often they know the ins and outs. But colleagues, we only tell them the good stuff that goes on so you know once you tell them it will be followed by 50,000 questions. My advice, just get it over and done with.

5) No, you can’t ‘stay friends’. Oh the classic, ‘but can we stay friends?’. No, you can’t , at least not for now. And no, you can’t stay friends with his family either. They come as a package. Once he goes, they go with him. Obviously, if you have children, things are different and you need to find a different relationship that works best.

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6) Finding YOU again. The final, most enjoyable part. Find yourselves again; start using the gym membership that has lay dormant for three months. We all have our own ways of enjoying life. Do the things you miss and enjoy. It’s OK to be left alone with your own thoughts and feelings so spend time doing things alone too.

And remember . . you’ll get over it, everyone does eventually.

  • Beverley Momenabadi represents the Ettingshall ward on Wolverhampton Council. Find her on Twitter @beverley_momen

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