Getting the baby blues from clique mum gang
There are all sorts of groups in society. Some we notice, some we can be oblivious of. In my late 30s one particular group stood out like a flashing, finger-pointing, sign. The mum gang.
Those ladies who have got babies, toddlers, munchkins or whatever cutesy label can be attached to a little one.
To start with it’s quite easy to feel like an outsider and watch as one or two new parents juggle the new addition to their already busy lives. But as more and more friends became mums and dads it quickly became clear I was not a part of this clique that was very tight-knit.
Luckily for me none of my besties were at all dismissive of me or sanctimonious about their new status, but it was clear that fairly quickly they had established themselves with a new set of ‘mum’ friends. I guess they were now part of a mum gang. I was not.
The thing is, there doesn’t seem to be a gang for those of us who are child free. And if all your nearest and dearest have kids then sometimes it can feel like you are being left on the sidelines. It can feel rather divisive.
As my 30s drifted past, sadly it was looking more and more unlikely that I was going to ever join the mum gang. Now in my 40s it’s never going to happen and I have to swallow my previous dreams and remain on the outside looking into a world I am not a part of. It’s hard at times.
It would be all too easy to wallow in ‘if only’ but instead of dwelling on this and viewing it as a negative, feeling something is missing from my life, there is an alternative tack to take.
What’s so good about children anyway? From what I’ve gleaned over the past couple of decades, parents seem to do a lot of complaining about lack of sleep/social life/’me time’ which, after the youngsters are less dependent on them, then morphs into a lot of social media posts about how well they are doing in school/gymnastics/football or whatever.
Then, when they become teenagers, well good luck with that. I can remembering being one and I’ve heard stories from the mum friends. After they’ve bled you dry of cash, turned your hair grey with worry, they then (fingers crossed) find happiness (which is what any parent wants for their child) and disappear off into the sunset and hardly ever see you until they need something. It’s only when they are proper adults, settled in their lives that there seems to be a mutual feeling of wanting to spend time together. Eventually.
The whole ‘parenting badge of honour’ seems like a lifetime of pain for very little gain. Besides, the world’s already massively over-populated too so at least there is no contribution on my part for that and I can happily say I have not created a Millennial.
There are a thousand and one reasons not to have children but only a few for bringing a baby into this world.