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Andrews on Saturday – has Meghan finally gone bananas?

By Mark Andrews | Opinions | Published:

*YOU'RE down on your luck, and your situation is so desperate you end up selling your body in inner-city Bristol. What would it really take to make you feel good about yourself? Why a banana, with 'You are Strong' written on it by Meghan Markle, of course.

Nice to see it's taken less than a year for Meghan to bring a bit of La-La-Land lunacy to the Royal Family.

*BRITAIN'S supreme court has ruled that people applying for sensitive jobs which require criminal record checks should not have to divulge minor indiscretions from their mis-spent youth.

The change follows a test-case in which an un-named former schizophrenic should be barred from getting a job as a teaching assistant on the basis of a couple of shoplifting convictions from 20 years ago.

It's a difficult call, and I suppose it depends on the nature of the offences, and how long ago they took place.

It does make you wonder where it will all end, though.

Next thing you know we will have MPs picking up salaries of £77,379 a year while banged up in jail...

*ANDREW Moffat, a teacher at Parkfield Primary School in Alum Rock, Birmingham, has been accused of using the classroom to promote his personal beliefs by introducing classes on 'gender identity' for pupils as young as six.

Things have been getting nasty, with demonstrations in the street, and Mr Moffat says he has been receiving personal threats. Parents at the predominantly Muslim school say the lessons, which include teaching about transgenderism, are inappropriate for children of that age.

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Of course, personal abuse is totally unacceptable, and a terrible example to set to the youngsters. But you do wonder why schools get involved in such controversial subjects in the first place. Ask 10 different parents about how these subjects should be taught in schools, and you will probably come away with 11 different answers.

More pertinently, according to the most recent Progress in International Reading Literacy Study, British primary schools are ranked 10th out of 50 developed nations for reading and writing among 10-year-olds. A slight improvement compared to a few years ago, but pretty middling all the same.

Russia and Singapore, on the other hand take first and second place. I wonder how much time their schools devote to talking about 'gender identity'.

*RUSSELL Brand thinks that tickling should be outlawed, unless it is between consenting adults. No surprise there. He’s never been one for making people laugh, has he?

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*STUDENTS Union leaders at Bristol University decided college life was so stressful that what they really needed was a roll or two of bubble wrap to help them through the exam season.

So they started handing out the air-filled packaging accompanied with the instructions, ‘for immediate stress relief, pop three capsules every 4-6 hours, or as needed’.

Now you might think that was mad enough, but the story didn’t end there. It appears that the bubble-wrap was not having the desired effect on all students and, far from helping them relax, it was causing some of them to stress about plastic waste. Take me to the safe space now!

The Students Union has reassured the little wallflowers that the bubble-wrap in question had been previously used to wrap furniture in, although it did not give a reason as to why it could not be re-used for packaging.

Talk about wrapping youngsters up in cotton wool...

Mark Andrews

By Mark Andrews
@MAndrews_Star

Senior news writer for the Shropshire Star specialising in in-depth features and commentary, investigative reporting and political matters.

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