Peter Rhodes: Deep-fat fryers for the workers?

THE Government plans to make better-off council tenants pay more rent. Snag is, the definition of "better-off" - £40,000 joint income in London, £31,000 outside – is low enough to catch tenants on modest salaries. Clearly, millionaires should not be occupying central-London council flats for a pittance. But this net has been cast far too wide. Hark, do you not hear the approaching storm of another bedroom-tax fiasco?

GREGG Wallace, the MasterChef judge, has attacked the Blessed Mary Berry for her suggestion that households should not have deep-fat fryers. Wallace declares fondly: "Every household down my road in Peckham stunk of deep-fat frying." Wallace is playing the old class card but it doesn't wash. In real working-class Britain, most folk had to settle for the frying pan. Deep-fat fryer? Poncy middle-class luxury.

TALKING of rich blokes pretending to be proles, has anyone asked what Jeremy Corbyn, earning £140,000 a year plus travel allowances, was doing in a standard-class carriage in the first place? Those seats are for the workers, comrade. You and your cronies should be in first-class.

AND why not travel in comfort? It's a fine old socialist tradition. In my naïve, bourgeois way, I was shocked while visiting Moscow's state museum to find the exhibits included a Rolls Royce Silver Ghost, once owned by the father of the Revolution, Lenin. Our guide explained that his pals ordered the Roller at the 1920 London Motor Show as a gift to their leader. Some were always more equal than others.

THE joys of eBay. There are two recommended ways of making the tap hole in the shiny new composite quartz sink I bought online a few days ago. The first is to use a diamond-tipped hole-cutter, which I do not possess. The second is to drill a circle of small holes and, with a single blow of the hammer, knock out the hole. Regular DIYers will sense in their bones what is coming next. The hammer descended. A jagged scab of material flew into the air, rendering the shiny new sink instantly worthless. And then you turn to Google and learn that the drill-and-wallop method often ends in disaster, even for professional plumbers. So you go back to eBay and discover that the sink supplier's "98.8 percent positive feedback" actually means more than 100 complaints about shoddy goods and lack of refunds in the past year.

MORAL: Buying online is brilliant, until something goes wrong. And by the time you realise your friendly local plumbing store is better, your friendly local plumbing store, unable to compete with the internet, has closed down.

I FELL asleep after lunch and awoke in Borsetshire where The Archers (Radio 4) is currently examining all sorts of social issues. As I understand it, a bullied wife has stabbed her vile husband and is facing trial. Meanwhile at the village cricket match, the alleged victim is harassing his team mates and attempting to bully someone who is prepared to be a character-witness for the accused woman. And someone else gets bowled out for three. It is a seething miasma of abuse, revenge, loyalty, betrayal and much bullying. As it ended, the BBC continuity adviser solemnly invited any listeners affected by issues raised in The Archers to get in touch. Come to think of it, I was once bowled out for three.