Mark Andrews: 20mph cities, feeling let down by Andrew Tate, and Harry's bad news for Brum

That’s come as a bit of blow to me, given that, I had pinned all my hopes on making billions of pounds from posting sexist comments on Instagram and rambling on about hustles and cryptocurrency. It’s lucky I’ve got the pyramid-selling scam to fall back on.

It makes you wonder what’s next. They’ll be telling me some of the ‘in the know’ football transfer rumours are made up now, or that what you read on Facebook should be treated with a degree of scepticism.

This time last year, all the good folk of Birmingham had to worry about was effective bankruptcy, soaring council tax bills, and stinking streets piled high with rubbish.

Today, I imagine the average Brummie looks back rather fondly on those halcyon days, before this year’s local elections ushered in a madcap new administration made up of Greens, Liberal Democrats and assorted Gaza fanatics. And to show they have got their finger on the pulse with the concerns of the working man, this motley crew’s first moves have been to ban people flying Union Jacks from lamp posts, and turning Birmingham into ‘Britain’s first 20mph city’, with a blanket 20mph limit on all but the busiest of routes.

Personally, I don’t think this goes anywhere near far enough. Why not do it properly, and go back to the Victorian law of having a man with a red flag walking in front of every car?

Birmingham Council has made little attempt to conceal its motives, cheerfully admitting it wants to see motoring reduced to a minority pursuit: “Walking and cycling will become how most people get around their locality most of the time,” said a statement from the authority.

I think it’s time for a blood-pressure tablet.

Have none of these people ever had a real job? One that might involve concepts like speed, efficiency, and productivity, rather than sitting in front of a laptop at home, stroking one’s chin?

Maybe then they would realise that people don’t drive their cars just to stick one to Greta. They do so because it is the quickest and most efficient way to get around. It takes too long to walk or cycle if you’ve got 25 minutes to travel 10 miles. And if you turn up to an appointment dressed in Lycra and stinking of BO, you’re not going to be taken very seriously.

Longer journey times means lower productivity, fewer jobs, smaller profits and less economic growth. Which means less tax revenue, less money for public services, and less money for absurd ‘equal pay’ claims. All of which turned Birmingham into a basket case in the first place.

And if you think things can’t get any worse for the Brummies, it was reported this week that Harry and Meghan were spotted alighting from a private plane at Birmingham airport. Hasn’t that city suffered enough? I reckon Meg’s bagged herself a role in the new Peaky Blinders series, I could just see her taking over from Aunt Polly behind the Garrison, occasionally breaking the ‘fourth wall’ to tell plug a new line in wellness drinks.

“It’s not enough to exist, you’ve got to be able to thrive.”

Or maybe she fancies herself as the next Noele Gordon in a new, more woke version of Crossroads ‘reimagined for the 21st century’.

I’d watch - but only if they cast her husband as Benny.

“Will yer tayche me ter read, Miss Markle?”