Useful tips on hostage-taking

LIVE coverage 24/7. Instant replays of the action. In-depth analysis by ex-SAS types. Terrorism experts describing exactly how stun grenades are used. The coverage of the Australian cafe siege was fascinating for viewers. But let's not deny that it was also a priceless training aid for any terrorists planning something similar.

THE most important thing, declared one earnest radio reporter, was not to make any assumptions in the early stages of the hostage crisis. There seemed a desperate, politically-correct desire to avoid mentioning Muslims or Islamic terrorism. But when a wild-eyed bearded man with a black bandana unfurls a black flag covered with Islamist slogans in Sydney, I think we can safely assume it's not Ned Kelly.

ON several occasions the TV cameras had a clear view of Man Haron Monis. Police snipers could presumably have had the same view. The civilised Western response to such incidents is to avoid using force until mass murder seems imminent. Maybe it's time for a new strategy: if you have a clear shot, take it.

MEANWHILE, back at Chateau Rhodes, the yuletide tree is up. I bought the spruce, fitted it into the tree holder and placed it on the old timber box in the corner of the dining room. The topmost needles of the tree are about a quarter-inch below the ceiling. My wife and daughter were greatly impressed at the male ability to judge the size perfectly. It's something called spacial awareness and only the male of the species has it. Women can breast-feed but men are better at choosing Christmas trees.

NATURE corner. In ye olden days we kept ducks on the magnificent rolling acres of Rhodes Great Park adjoining Lake Hernia. The harder the winters got, the bolder the wild birds became in the hunt for food. Jays, pheasants and mallard would screw up their courage, tip-toe furtively and swipe the ducks' food. But the most timid of all, and always the last to venture tremblingly into the garden, were the moorhens. They were desperately shy little birds. This morning, walking back home through the park, I was mugged by a gang of 15 rowdy moorhens demanding bread. They appear to have evolved the boldness gene. I blame global warming.

TALKING of which, if you believe some of the tabloids, we are in for the worst winter since mammoths. However, all these ghastly forebodings can be traced back to a single forecaster I've never heard of. He may be right. An Arctic blast may bring our civilisation to a standstill. But I am quietly confident we'll have another mild wet one.

IN the ten years that the £1,000 million Rosetta space probe spent getting from Earth to its utterly pointless rendezvous with a comet 300 million miles away, antibiotics continued their relentless decline towards the point of uselessness. The latest report, commissioned by the Government, suggests that by 2050, unless new antibiotics are created to tackle drug-resistant infections, 10 million people around the world will die unnecessarily.

SO how should we spend our money, on sending pointless objects to pointless comets in pursuit of pointless knowledge, or saving millions of lives?

WE stopped at the local corner shops for some traditional sweets to keep the chill at bay. Back in pre-decimal times did any of us, in our wildest dreams, imagine that one day we would pay 12 shillings for a bag of herbal tablets?

MORE horrors of inflation. At an English Heritage shop I found a penny whistle for £15.