Donald Trump becomes President: PETER RHODES on why we're so surprised

THE future is orange. And if you're still surprised by Donald Trump's success, you might wish to blame the media. While Trump's every sin was exposed and dissected, can you recall a single TV or radio expose of the 20-year catalogue of allegations of dishonesty, conspiracy and much worse that have made Hillary Clinton one of the most hated and distrusted politicians in the States? In the wee hours of election night, one US pundit explained how the presidential campaign began with the Democrats wondering how they could possibly lose against a candidate like Trump, when they should have been asking, how can we possibly win with a candidate like Hillary?

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ANYWAY, the Yanks have spoken and the world must get used to a Trump in the White House. If it's any consolation, the US Constitution was designed to limit the powers of presidents and prevent the rise of dictators. Congress holds the power and the banks have the money. Promising the earth is much easier on the campaign trail than in the Oval Office.

DARK Angel (ITV) began with a warning that it "contains scenes of child murder that some viewers may find disturbing." Just some viewers, then?

AS the Tesco Bank hacking row rumbles on, the Daily Mail asks in its leader column: "Is our money safe in any online account?" You want the safest, simplest answer? No.

SOME months ago I told the tale of the computer expert who occasionally fixes my machine. He was horrified at the idea of online banking, dramatically holding up his two hands. "This hand," he said, "is my money, and the other hand is the internet. Why on earth would I connect one to the other?"

MORE things which are best not connected to the internet are photos of your children, details of your holiday plans, hilarious anecdotes about your neighbours and any brilliant political idea that occurs to you after about four pints of lager.

THE red remembrance poppy sold by the Royal British Legion has always been avoided by pacifists who prefer the white poppy of the Peace Pledge Union. The Legion's view, as explained on its website is: "We see no conflict in wearing the red poppy alongside the white poppy. We do ask that the items are not offered alongside each other however as this would confuse the public." So how odd to discover that the Legion's online shop is selling not only the red poppy but also a white poppy. I can find no explanation.

MIND you, the Legion does some strange things with the hallowed poppy image. In its online shop you can buy a pet-food dish with alternating paw and poppy logos. Tacky does not begin to describe it.

WHITEHALL has announced that members of the reserve army, navy and air force who serve for 10 years or more will be allowed to put VR after their name. In Victorian times those awarded the Volunteer Decoration could put VD after their name. If they really wanted to.

A READER asks whether, in the great scheme of things, the US presidential elections and the poppy row with Fifa are more or less momentous than Toblerone re-designing its chocolate bar. We must let history be the judge.