Peter Rhodes: Bobbies in burkas?

WEST Midlands Police might consider allowing female Muslim officers to wear the burka. The inevitable storm has blown up but I bet it could be contained within the average station-canteen teacup.

THE fact is that the burka, fully enclosing the body from head to toe, is worn by only a tiny minority of Muslim women subscribing to one strict but small strand of Islam. The average burka wearer is so deeply religious that she would probably not leave the house without an adult male chaperone and certainly wouldn't lay hands on a strange man. Which leaves us with the prospect of a female Pc, encumbered by flapping gowns and half-blinded by her viewing slit, accompanied by her husband, older brother or uncle, chasing down the road after a shoplifter whom, even if she catches up with him, she won't be able to touch. And if, by some miracle, she makes the arrest and gets a chief constable's commendation, she won't be able to shake hands with the chief constable. Bobbies in burkas? Not a chance.

FROM time to time I need things laminating in one of those clever machines that heat-seals your cherished certificates and suchlike between two thin sheets of plastic. And so, once or twice a year, I would dutifully queue to use the laminator at 20p a time at our local library or stationery shop, but I'd never dream of buying such a complex and vastly expensive machine. And then a few days ago I discovered that electric laminators are £10. They are just one of those clever things made in China and sold here for less than it would cost to post them back to China. I have no idea how they do it at the price but when everyone in Whitehall talks cheerfully about free trade with the rest of the world, you can't help wondering how we are supposed to compete with that.

ANYTHING you need laminating? Once you get started, it's amazing how many things around the house are improved no end by being sealed in plastic. So far I have laminated several old photos, some fading recipes and a map of Rutland Water (where I still manage to confuse north with south and get lost) and, of course, the laminator instructions. Once laminated, things are dust-proof, watertight and no trouble at all. Is it possible to laminate a cat?

BRITAIN is sending more soldiers as "peace keepers" into the morass of tribal divisions and sudden death that is South Sudan. I am reminded of an old colonel who once told me: "Before sending in the peace keepers, you should always make sure there is a peace to keep."

IT'S just a hunch but I wouldn't mind betting that those who voted most passionately to remain in the EU are the same ones who are most passionately opposed to the reintroduction of grammar schools. Which is strange because the usual tirade against the referendum result is that Brexiteers are a load of ignorant, ill-educated, knuckle-dragging little Englanders. And yet these millions of allegedly lowbrow neanderthals who voted to quit the EU are the product of 50 years of progressive and enlightened comprehensive education. It's a puzzle, innit?