Peter Rhodes: Do we still coo over princes?

HOW to survive an English heatwave. Firstly, drink plenty of flui . . . . Hang on. You mean it's all over?

A FRIEND is just back from a windsurfing holiday in Greece. On a daily basis he pitted his taut-muscled physique and the latest hi-tech windsurfer technology against the fiercest squalls of the wild Aegean. Skipping the wave-crests, he hit speeds he had never dreamed of. He says the sensation was spoiled somewhat when he was overtaken by a bumble bee.

THERE is much uncertainty about the on-off promotion of the fabulously-named Labour MP Thangam Debbonaire. She says Jeremy Corbyn appointed her as a shadow minister: "without my knowledge or consent whilst I was in the middle of cancer treatment. He then sacked me the next day when he realized he had given away part of someone else's role." She has now resigned but has posted a Facebook message to her fans which contains this curious section: "Not having a Labour government again is unbearable. I will do anything I can to help to ensure this." Pardon? She ends her message with: "I hope that's clear." Er, not exactly.

THANGAM Debbonaire. If she did not exist, Jackie Collins would surely have created her.

ONE of the London papers offered a special supplement this week, "a Prince Harry pullout to make your heart soar." Seriously, does anyone's heart still soar at images of little royals? This is 2016, not 1956. The age of deference and cooing at princes and princesses is surely past, isn't it?

A READER tells me her father-in-law, a loyal customer of British Gas and its predecessors for his entire adult life, has been refused an offer of free electricity at weekends on the grounds that he does not manage his account online. He is 92.

AFTER birch water and coconut water, look out for cactus water appearing on the shelves of the more upmarket supermarkets. The hype may suggest these bottled waters possess "naturally detoxing" or hydrating powers but the experts disagree. Nutrition professor Mike Lean, says the companies' claims should be challenged legally. Sadly, no power on earth will deter a human being who is determined to be at the cutting edge of health and fitness. You can take a fool to water but you can't make him think.

ON the subject of water, however, it is noticeable in this hot weather that our old moggie prefers to drink the manky old water in our birdbath than anything that comes out of our taps. Water infused with bird poo and cat feet. I shall start bottling it tomorrow.

AFTER this week's item suggesting today's bus-pass louts were Teddy boys in the 1950s, a reader points out that the hippies of the 1960s are now getting bus passes. Peace and love, man, and no smoking at the back.

DURING the 2012 Olympics, the then Mayor of London Boris Johnson managed to get stuck on a zip wire and was gleefully photographed by the world's press. What went wrong? In a waspish column this week, Dominic Lawson suggests the plump mayor may have "inadvertently failed to give the zip-wire operators the true extent of his poundage." Curiously enough, a few days ago a small military plane carrying Boris was forced to land at Luton Airport. "A technical issue," says the Foreign Office. Oh, really?