Peter Rhodes: Tony Blair's reputation? What reputation?

YOU have to smile at the whispers from Whitehall that the forthcoming Chilcot Report into the origins of the Gulf War will seriously damage Tony Blair's reputation. What reputation would that be? A Google search yesterday for "Tony Blair" and "war crimes" produced 300,000 results.

MEANWHILE, Google's driverless-car project has produced an idea for "flypaper" bonnets. In the event of a collision with a pedestrian or cyclist, the victim would be stuck fast to the bonnet instead of being bounced into the road. You may avoid broken bones but imagine being peeled off the bonnet by the paramedics as Joe Public gawps, sniggers and takes selfies. Oh, the indignity, the embarrassment, the post-sticky trauma. The lawyers, as always, will have a field day.

NUTRITION is a complex science, riddled with private prejudices and commercial interests and tangled up among thousands of scientific reports with vastly contradictory findings. So what are we to make of the National Obesity Forum's report this week claiming that "eating fat does not make you fat"? At a stroke, 30 years of official health advice seems to be called into question. And yet the NOF claims should not be so surprising. Millions of us recall the 1950s when the British population consumed vast amounts of butter and full-fat milk and the Brits were as skinny as rakes.

AND although it's hardly a scientific experiment, I wrote a couple of years ago that, having given up soft margarine for butter, to my surprise I actually lost weight.

ONE of these days I will compile a list of tried-and-trusted medical tips which have been overturned in the previous fortnight. The snag is that the overturning process is so fast and so radical that you can't keep up with it. Take the new report from scientists in Ontario suggesting that reducing your salt intake, unless you have high blood pressure, could actually increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. Seriously, how long before somebody discovers smoking is good for us?

TOM Conti, forever cast in the public mind as the Greek seducer in Shirley Valentine, objects to the use of the word "luvvie" to describe actors. Indeed, he says "luvvie" is no less abusive than the N-word. I think he's talking bunkum but what do I know? I'm just a cynical old H-word.

YOU will have gathered from the reappearance of this column that I have not been summoned to take up my duties as King of the World, as I hypothesised last week. I have, however, received an email from a reader with an even more impressive title. While a student in California, he discovered an online form to update his postal details. There was no scrutiny and no questions asked. From that moment, all his mail from the university arrived addressed to "Supreme Ruler of the Universe." Classy.

GOT home from holiday to find the cat in a poorly way. His eye was closed, his face swollen and he was tired and pathetically grateful for a warm lap. Twenty-four hours later the medicine kicked in and he was soon doing the Henry V thing, imitating the action of the tiger, lending the eye a terrible aspect, bounding into the garden, peeing in the vegetable patch and generally making up for lost rabbits. Cats, like small children, are at their best when ever so slightly ill.