Peter Rhodes: The Easter what?

DONALD Trump stands accused of running something called Trump University which allegedly took large sums of money off young people and gave them nothing worthwhile in return. In the United States this is known as a scandal. Over here it's called further education.

WHEN people retire they sometimes find they are better-off than they had hoped. A report by Santander provides a likely answer, revealing that the average employee spends one-sixth of his or her wages on commuting, office clothes and other costs associated with the job. In other words, you work in order to work.

A RAMBLING friend (most of my friends seem to ramble these days) tells a curious tale of a Highland trek. Up in the mountains his party realised they were lost. Thankfully, they spotted an old chap in a Barbour sitting on a rock below them who would surely know the way. They set off toward him but when they were a few yards away the old chap in a Barbour suddenly spread his wings and flew off. A golden eagle, apparently.

THERE'S a chirpy little middle-class discussion going on in the Daily Telegraph about strange names for particular rooms of the house. The couple who couldn't afford an orangerie tell how they settled for a satsumerie, and so on. It occurred to me that drawers, too, have their own names. Our kitchen unit has the Sellotape drawer, in which you can usually not find the Sellotape, and the magic drawer which miraculously contains at least one of any small item you'd care to mention. Any odd drawer names in your home?

AS the Irish Republic prepares to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the Easter Uprising, how much will the average Brit understand? I'm not sure the events of 1916 are taught in any depth in our schools and the English have notoriously short memories. An Irish reader tells me how he and his English girlfriend were in Sligo some years ago when the town was decked in bunting. She asked what it was for. "Celebration of the Easter Rising," explained her hosts. "Oh," she replied. "You mean the Resurrection?"

HOW they do things in Brussels. At the trial of Peter Skinner, the MEP accused of fraud and misusing his expenses, the EU official responsible for expenses, Frank Antoine-Porel, was called to explain the system. He told the court that only on very limited occasions would a Member of the European Parliament be asked for "real proof" of how their expenses were spent. He said that having to explain where the money went would "create an administrative burden for members" and might "interfere with their detailed political activities." Still dithering over how to vote?

INCIDENTALLY, do you ever wonder why America is so keen on Britain remaining in the EU? As any conspiracy theorist will tell you, the ultimate aim of the Illuminati, the shadowy network which actually controls Planet Earth, is global government. When nation states group together in huge borderless unions, they are working toward the Illuminati plan. Keep this to yourself, eh?

JACKDAWS seeking nesting material are ripping the new £100,000 thatched roof to shreds, and driving staff to distraction, at a National Trust tithe barn in Wiltshire. The trust's surveyor declares: "I'm beginning to tear my hair out." Maybe the birds will take that instead.