Peter Rhodes: Smoking makes you unlucky

A YEAR is a long time in medicine. In January US researchers announced that most cancers were caused by random cellular changes and were mainly the result of bad luck. Eleven months later, a team in New York disagrees, claiming that most cancers result from avoidable factors such as toxic chemicals. Some will insist that it's still down to luck. However, the more you smoke, the more unlucky you get.

THERE is no finer encapsulation of the uplifting Christmas message with all its hope, goodwill and peace unto all men than Handel's Messiah, as performed this week at our local church. Unfortunately, it clashed with Luther.

REJOICE. This is yet another December without the once-traditional crop of pre-Xmas deaths and injuries caused by snow or ice on English roads. Whether it's down to global warming or not, give thanks.

YOU may recall a few weeks ago I wrote about buying a new cooker and then being pressured over the phone to buy warranty cover. I asked them to email me the details of the cover, only to be told this was impossible as they only offered this warranty "at the point of registration." In other words, snap it up now or miss a bargain for ever. I declined. Despite the veiled threat, they have now written, offering me another chance to buy the warranty. Welcome to what I suspect is a common ploy when selling warranty: lying to the customer. Would you choose to rely on any warranty which began with a whopper?

SOLDIERS accused of killing civilians during Bloody Sunday in 1972 have been told they will not be arrested and taken to Northern Ireland for questioning. That must be a great relief to them but it will outrage the bereaved families in Ulster. But the bigger issue is, where exactly are these proposed prosecutions leading? To prove murder, a court demands definite proof. Bloody Sunday was madness amid utter confusion. In the space of a few minutes 121 bullets were fired. The soldiers have always claimed they were under fire. In such conditions can any witness be sure who did what to whom? The soldiers, on legal advice, are said to be giving "no comment" interviews to police. At some stage, some brave politician is going to have to announce that there is no chance of securing a conviction and it's time to wrap up the inquiry. I would not care to be in Derry on that night.

A LEGAL firm specialising in family law has issued a dark warning about the downside of Christmas. Apparently one in six Brits is dreading the big day because it forces them to spend too much time with their partner. The lawyers may appear to be shaking their heads in gloom and despair but, hark, can you not hear the distant ringing of their office tills? I have a pal who was a solicitor. He admitted making a great deal of money from the rich crop of divorces that followed every yule. For him and his colleagues, Christmas always came a few weeks after Christmas.

THIS year's Ebenezer Award for outstanding Scroogery goes to the Daily Telegraph for its "Free Bottle of Prosecco" offer if you buy a £59.50 ticket for a West End play. Read on, however, and the "free bottle" is actually a 20cl bottle or, to put it another way, a swallow.