Good character or serial thief?

DAME Eileen Atkins objects to men taking women's roles on the grounds that actresses already face "an infinitely tougher time than men" on the stage. Sadly, she's up against progress. These days, regardless of race, age or gender, anyone can play anything. As Monty Python's Life of Brian reminded us, it is every man's right to be a woman.

BILL Bryson declares in his new book, The Road to Little Dribbling, that Britain was at its best in the early 1970s, having achieved "a kind of perfection." Really? I must have missed it. In 1971 I found shirts at Preston market for a bargain £3, while a new tyre for the car was £6. The catch? I was earning less than £12 a week. In today's global, cheap-as-chips world you cannot begin to explain how much it cost simply to feed and dress ourselves in the 1970s.

MEANWHILE, a new survey among wrinklies reveals that few over-60s believe in the myth of the "good old days." Today's old folk sing the praises of the internet, emails, cheap flights, modern food and today's vast choice of TV channels and programmes. According to a spokesman for the firm behind the survey: "There's never been a greater time to be retired." Discuss.

THE most popular gizmo among grandparents in the survey is the TV remote control. Once we're on the sofa, we're there for the night.

NO surprises in Lord Warner quitting the Labour Party on the grounds that it is no longer a credible government-in-waiting. He is not the first to walk away and others will surely follow him. And yet, for the sake of democracy, it is vital for Jeremy Corbyn's New Old Labour to be given a chance. If you believe in democracy, the scariest thing you can hear is people saying, as so many millions have said in recent years: "I never vote, because all the parties are the same." Once that fatalistic mind-set takes over, we are doomed. Today, in all its bearded, white-vested, awkward, contradictory, wobbly-pacifist glory, is a Labour Party distinctly different not only from Toryism but from the brand of Labour peddled by Blair, Brown and Miliband. If it is utterly demolished in the 2020 General Election, so be it. But if Corbynism is wrecked before then, by sabotage and treachery from within the Labour Party, then cynicism will grow and conspiracy theories will prosper. The number of non-voters will multiply until we no longer have a functioning democracy and the only viable opposition will be the mob on the street. In these hate-filled times Corbynism may not be a traditional Opposition but it is a safety valve.

A 15-year-old crook walked into a Co-Op store in Gloucestershire, stole some booze and walked out. Later in the day he did it again. And then again. On the third occasion a burly Co-Op worker pinned him to the floor until the police arrived. The cops then gave the youth something called a Restorative Justice Level 1 Order which means he was allowed to pay for the stolen goods and go free, on the grounds that he was "of previous good character." Hang on. This little toerag had committed three thefts in quick succession. That's not good character, that's a serial thief.

ON the same day this incident was reported, it was claimed that because some police forces cannot manage their budgets properly, policing may soon become "less visible." Will anybody notice?