Why so many police forces?

GOOD news in the emails today. Dr Malik Wasim, Manager Auditing and Accountancy Department, Bank of Africa in Burkina Faso wants to share 12.5 million U.S. dollars with me. What could possibly go wrong?

FOOTBALL star Jermain Defoe advertises for a personal assistant, one of those modern-day flunkies who plumps the pillows, does the school run and worms the cat. Critics queue up to denounce such jobs as trivial and demeaning. But never overlook the potential earnings that go with a life spent among the rich and famous. The following advice has been attributed to two very different females who were among the most successful women of the 20th century. Mae West and Margot Asquith are both alleged to have said: "Keep a diary and one day it will keep you."

OBSESSIVE Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a fascinating condition. I wanted to watch the Horizon (BBC2) programme on the subject. However, after about 20 minutes the surgeons started sticking probes in rats' heads, shoving electrodes into human skulls and slicing apart some cadaver's brain. This is neither informative nor entertaining. It is surgery-porn, added in grotesque little segments to make us squirm. Some of us do more than squirm. We switch off.

AND don't get me started on television's needle fetishists. Is there a single producer on any TV channel who can illustrate a report on disease without giving us a close-up of a big hypodermic being thrust into a sobbing child's arm? We know what injections are. We don't have to see it every time.

"THE terrorists have won," a traveller on Eurostar was heard to declare when security checks lasting an hour were introduced. Oh, please. One of the daftest reactions to terrorism is the notion that if we change our lifestyles in the slightest, it is a victory for Islamic State. It is no such thing. It is plain common sense to make sure that the large holdall carried by the agitated young Middle Eastern man in carriage eight is a badminton racket, not an AK-47. If that takes an hour, big deal. The aim of Islamist terror is to slaughter infidels, bring down the West and create a global caliphate under sharia law. The cry of "We've got them queuing for an hour in Lyon" does not have the jihadists dancing in the streets of Raqqa.

THE resignation of the Chief Constable of Scotland, Sir Stephen House, is a reminder of the curious fact that while Scotland has one police force, England and Wales have 43. So that's 43 different chief constables, headquarters, uniforms, liveries, vehicle fleets and control rooms. Each force also has its own priorities for burglary, sex crimes and speeding. We have 41 police commissioners, some elected with the tiniest of votes, creating 41 little power struggles. It is a recipe for waste on a massive scale. In a sane world, just as the Scots have Police Scotland, we would have Police England. So why doesn't it happen? Because it would mean dismantling 43 little empires. And if you think empire-dismantling is easy, take a look at the House of Lords.

I REFERRED last week to the fashion for naming kids after characters in Game of Thrones. A reader witnessed a stranger inspiration. He overheard a frazzled mother in a DIY store yelling: "Catalina, worrav I told yer about fiddling wiv them tins of paint!" As far as he (and I) are aware, Catalina is a rather stylish Second World War flying boat. This is a worrying trend. "Put them bleedin' crisps down, Focke-Wolf!"