Farewell, Cilla

I WROTE some weeks ago about the alleged lack of bugs these days, compared to the squidgy masses which peppered car windscreens back in ye olden times. But has the recent banning of neonicotinoid pesticides redressed the balance and restored bug populations? I drove home a couple of nights ago and the car looked like it had been repainted with gnats.

WHICH suggests a whole new assortment of paint names to go with such classics as Elephant's Breath and Dead Salmon. Coming soon, from our exciting new Squashed Insect range: Dragonfly Splash, Popped Moth and Essence of Bluebottle.

SO farewell, Cilla Black, gone far too early. Those of us of a certain age will remember her not as the motherly trouper of Blind Date but as the bewitching, fragile singer of the 1960s who could Step Inside Love and make your heart gasp. Part of that wonderful, exciting, hopeful, innocent world of a truly amazing decade is no more.

BACK in the Sixties it took us a while to tune in to the Liverpool accents of the Mersey Sound. I remember being puzzled by Cilla's line which went: "Where the curs of the days will be carried away by the smile on your face." Where were these curs being carried to?

TOLD you so. I suggested recently that many Labour Party members would rather see their beloved party as a principled Opposition than lowering its standards in order to form a government. Sure enough, Dave Ward, general secretary of the Communication Workers' Union, which is supporting Jeremy Corbyn in the leadership battle, declares: "Labour must not compromise its principles just in pursuit of an election victory." Better red than Ed.

FEW TV series in recent years which have generated so much debate and discussion as Humans (C4), especially the scene in which the husband Joe (Tom Goodman-Hill) upgrades his beautiful humanoid robot Anita (Gemma Chan) to have sex with it / her. At a party a few days ago an exasperated woman told me she was outraged by the scene. She asked: "How could he do such a thing? There was no emotional connection, no relationship at all." It is odd that women, having shared this planet with the male of the species for millions of years, still do not understand his enormous depths of shallowness.

THE Taliban in Afghanistan is bitterly divided over the appointment of its new leader, Mullah Akhtar Mohammed Mansoor. Critics says he was "selected" by a small clique of his own supporters instead of being appointed by a grand council. Wonderful, isn't it, to hear of the Taliban debating the finer points of modern democracy, in between beheading unbelievers and stoning adulteresses? It gets more like Life of Brian every day.

A FEW days ago I mentioned the theory that men grow beards when they feel threatened by female power. A reader admits he grew his during the days of Maggie Thatcher but says he is thrilled with how it has turned out, boasting: "Having little flecks of silver in my beard certainly helps when I go into chat-up mode with barmaids." Careful, sir. They're only after your winter-fuel payments.

A FRIEND tells me that broken biscuits contain no calories whatsoever. More research needed.