Who'd buy a brand-new car?

MORE of those words (fag, rubber etc) which cause confusion between us and the Yanks. A reader recalls an assignment some years ago at a factory in New York State where he was commissioning new machinery. He accidentally dropped a tool into the dark depths of the machine and asked for a torch to help him find it. After some odd glances from his American colleagues, a worker appeared with two big gas bottles and an oxy-acetylene cutting kit. We say torch, they say flashlight.

POOR Julia Bradbury. Her brand new £75,000 Range Rover with new-fangled keyless entry was stolen by what she calls "toe rags" from outside her Notting Hill home. There is, of course, a jubilant chorus online from trolls who detest Ms Bradbury for the unforgivable sin of being richer than them. The rest of us can only wonder, in these wicked times, that anyone expects a £75,000 keyless-entry limo not to be nicked. Using computer devices, thieves steal such vehicles as fast as their proud owners purchase them. It's a global business. By now, Ms Bradbury's Range Rover is probably in Northern Cyprus, Eastern Europe or Africa.

EVEN if I had Julia Bradbury's money, I would never dream of buying a new car. I do not want to be the one to put the first scratches on it and I certainly don't want the hassle of having it stolen. The art of urban survival in the 21st century is to look poorer than you are. By all means choose the car of your dreams – but make sure it's at least five years old.

ONE of the arguments raised against scrapping the TV licence is that the character and culture of the BBC would be changed if it produced adverts. Dream on. To the dismay of some viewers, its website currently boasts a blatant advert (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-32901626) for a new meal-delivery service called Deliveroo, with the snappy headline: "Deliveroo - Making it easier to get a takeaway meal." It's a free puff including a cheesy testimonial from a busy new mother: "Deliveroo means I can have a proper meal." As one emailer puts it dryly: "Dear BBC, how do I get my company advertised on your site?" The truth is, the Beeb is quite capable of producing ads; it's just not charging for them. Not yet.

WHAT accounted for the demise of British engineering in the 1980s? A reader comes up with a novel explanation – the loss of female secretaries. His theory is that male managers tended to be "narcissistic dumb idiots," promoted for all the wrong reasons. They survived thanks to their secretaries who, despite their lowly job titles, were actually managing the companies. "When the secretaries were replaced by electronic technology," says my reader, "the last stronghold of common sense in many companies no longer existed and the incompetence of senior management went unchecked." It's a sweeping claim. But how many of us remember no-nonsense, unflappable women of a certain age who were technically secretaries but actually ran the place? I recall one or two.

I REFERRED recently to house plonk costing an eye-watering £6.80 a glass in a restaurant and some readers assumed I had actually bought the stuff. Grant me some common sense, please. I went for the beer instead. At £2.40 a half, since you ask.