The lowest of the low

AND off to a mid-market Italian restaurant, courtesy of some vouchers tucked inside a birthday card. And very pleasant it is, to order the most expensive item on the menu for a change. However, even we freebie diners blanch at the price of the wine. Since when did £6.80 per glass become the going rate for plonk?

"RUBBER" is not the only word which causes confusion between Brits and Yanks (and thanks for all your contributions on the subject). I am reminded of a moment's confusion some years ago on a trip to the Deep South with a company of English TA soldiers, one of whom asked a trooper of the Arkansas National Guard if he'd like a fag. We almost had a diplomatic incident.

THE full facts will emerge in time but you couldn't help noticing that, within an hour of Charles Kennedy's untimely death being announced, the BBC had a full obituary ready, complete with sound bites from his career. Untimely but not entirely unexpected?

RECENT allegations about leaks and security hazards on Britain's nuclear submarines reminds a reader of his colleague who was posted to a military nuclear facility. On arrival she was escorted through "layer upon layer of security checks, ID verifications, scanners, armed guards, locked doors and corridors before finally getting into the hub, a full hour and 20 minutes after entering the building." She joked that she'd have to start much earlier the next day to fit all her work in.

"No need, love." the engineer replied. "Come round the back tomorrow and we'll let you through the fire exit."

WHICH takes me back to the depths of the Cold War and a combined Home Office / Army exercise deep below ground in a bomb- proof bunker. The front door was a massive sliding steel assembly, designed to survive a nuclear blast. The back entrance was a wooden door with a Yale lock. Do not breathe a word of this to Moscow.

THE report on appalling cruelty to greyhounds in Australia is horrifying but you don't have to go all the way to Oz to find it. Every year in Britain thousands of greyhounds, having reached the end of their career or failed to win races, are allegedly slaughtered or abandoned. Estimates vary between 4,000 and 12,000 healthy dogs killed every year. In the United States greyhound racing has been outlawed in 39 states. Over here, the governing body the Greyhound Board of Great Britain says it is "committed to working to raise standards of care still further." The League Against Cruel Sports denounces the rules as "little more than a crook's charter" and continues the fight, doggedly.

REMEMBER that charming old expression: "Never speak ill of the dead"? It has not survived the internet age. I was rootling through the Daily Telegraph online obituaries yesterday when I came across one for a politician I vaguely knew. The obit was fair enough but the "Comments" section beneath was a foul and festering midden of the vilest insults and allegations – all sent under false names, of course. It is difficult to see what such venom achieves. The subject is beyond pain but the grieving family must be caused endless anguish by these despicable, anonymous characters. Obit-trolls – the scummiest of the scum.

WE'RE off on our annual trip to Devon at the weekend. The forecast for the week is warm, dry and sunny. Those two sentences appear together about once every 20 years.