Naming a princess

QUOTES for our time. "If it wasn't for the riots we wouldn't have got this far." Black youth on the streets of Baltimore speaking to the BBC after six policemen were charged following the death of a black suspect. Or, to put it another way, rioting works.

IF that collection of strange, attention-grabbing, Union Jack-clad characters gathered outside the Lindo Wing for the royal birth is supposed to represent modern patriotic Britain, then God help Britain. No wonder the rest of the world thinks we're bonkers.

INCIDENTALLY, while we all love a surprise, does anyone seriously believe that the gender of the royal baby and her name were not known well in advance? The Royal Family is not a real family but an extremely slick marketing and investment corporation. The Windsors did not spend bank holiday weekend striding up and down the long gallery arguing about Victoria, Alice, Charlotte or whatever. I bet the name was agreed weeks ago.

IT'S such a shame the proud parents overlooked the best possible name for any new princess. Leia.

AS a paid-up member of the National Trust, I have only one question for the NT to answer over the disastrous fire at Clandon Park House, near Guildford. Sprinklers?

THANKFULLY, Clandon, suddenly hailed in hindsight as "one of the UK's finest 18th-century Palladian mansions," was one of those priceless national treasures that most of us, if we are honest, had never heard of.

AFTER yesterday's item about speaking to cats, an encounter with fluent birdspeak. I was mowing the lawn when I became aware of a big cock pheasant standing about a yard away. I switched off the mower and the pheasant, a sorry sight with scarred beak and no tail feathers after the annual courtship punch-ups, came over and explained that he was tired and famished and did I have a spare crust, perhaps? I invited him to follow me to the back door where he waited patiently while I found a slice of bread. He devoured it, making little thankful noises. Deep down, all creation speaks the same language.

PS: If you encounter a tame pheasant, never feed it from the palm of your hand, expecting it to take the crumbs gently. Pheasants do not do gentle. They stab.

THE good news is that an American company has perfected a household battery which could store cheap power, make us independent of the grid and delivering emission-free electricity. Rejoice, brothers and sisters, for the New Jerusalem is at hand – limitless cheap, clean power for all. Sounds too good to be true? Well, of course it is. The lesson of history is that our appetite for energy is limitless. The more we get, the more we use. A new report suggests that internet use is growing so fast that within 20 years the web could consume Britain's entire energy supply. So your shiny new household battery is always flat and you can't put the kettle on because a million idiots are tweeting Russell Brand.

DESPITE my best efforts, I haven't found an answer to the issue of whether MPs in grand houses will be able to claim Ed Miliband's mansion tax back on their allowances (with you and me picking up the bill, naturally). I dare say all will be revealed a few days from now.