A £1,000 fine for no pooper-scooper?

MY email inbox is the property of BT Yahoo. Even so, it feels private and we like to have some control over what appears in it. These damned adverts which have started arriving are a pain. They are supposed to be personalised for the user but so far mine have included stairlifts, chairs for old folk, women's fashion, single British women wanting to date, life insurance, Moneysupermarket, Emirates and Western Union money transfer. Go away. Leave me alone.

THE solar-energy industry is also into targeted marketing. I feel so sorry for young kids in call-centres working from scripts written by idiots. Their bosses seem to think the more times they mention your house, your street and your neighbourhood, the more personal their sales pitch for solar panels will seem. In fact, it's intrusive, offensive and creepy. No wonder so many of us hang up.

THIS election campaign has settled into a bland, predictable succession of soundalike soundbites and closely-guarded "public appearances" involving party supporters, but no members of the public. So it takes something quite unusual to make you sit up and pay attention. Like the three hushed words overheard by a political reporter on seeing Ed Miliband and Chuka Umunna, the shadow business secretary, side by side at a Labour rally. Someone whispered: "Before – and after." The conspiracy theory is that after the General Election, win, lose or draw, Ed will be swiftly dumped as party leader and replaced by the smooth Mr Umunna. Dirty old game.

THE Armenians believe their people suffered genocide at the hands of the Turks in 1915. The Turks, enraged by the Pope's recent comments on the issue, insist the deaths are exaggerated and taken out of context. In 1939 a man with a special interest in genocide had no doubts what happened. Explaining how history would record his deeds, he remarked: "Who, after all, speaks today of the annihilation of the Armenians?" - Adolf Hitler.

DO you sometimes get the impression that new laws are drafted mainly to provide work for lawyers? Take the new offence of "failing to have the means to pick up after your dog," which may be coming soon to a park near you. It will empower council enforcement officers to impose £100 fines on any dog walker not in possession of "poop scoop" bags to carry away dog poo. So a lowly enforcement officer is now empowered to order Joe Public to turn out his pockets? What if Joe Public refuses? Can the officer then call for back-up police officers to strip-search the alleged offender for plastic bags? What if the dog walker produces a plastic carrier bag, paper towel or tissue? And what if the dog walker happens to be a lawyer who reckons such a law is unconstitutional and in breach of Magna Carta? What will the European courts make of such legislation? Like an incontinent greyhound, this one could run and run.

A FRIEND has just moved into a leasehold property and has signed an agreement to live considerately, not hang out any washing, keep music to a reasonable level, avoid barbecues and not allow any pet to be a nuisance. In other words, he has signed up to be a good neighbour. Why doesn't every house buyer and tenant have to do the same?

A READER writes: "Oil in the Falklands? You can almost hear the Argentinian jets powering up. Sell the place now while we still can." I wonder if the Russians might be interested.