Pig out and fight dementia

OUR changing language. This, on a tin of Wilko paint: "Please do not stir paint and apply straight from the can by brush." A sentence in dire need of a full stop.

NEWS comes of a breakthrough in aluminium batteries which will be able to charge a mobile phone in less than a minute. So that's even more time for endless waffle.

STRANGE how things stick in your mind. A few days ago to the 1967 Apollo I tragedy when three US astronauts died. Back then, the French magazine Paris Match carried far more graphic reports than British magazines and newspapers. I recall picking up a copy in the school library and reading its account of what happened in the cabin fire. You did not need much French to understand what "complètement carbonisé" meant.

IF my old school library sounds a bit posh, with Paris Match in the library, consider a friend who sent me a photo this week of his kids forming a massive figure "125" in the grounds. They were marking 125 years of lacrosse at the school. Lacrosse – the game that makes polo look vulgar.

AFTER the sickening murder of a suspect by an American police officer, a Russian citizen emailed The Guardian: "This is the kind of thing that makes me glad I live in Russia. The only people who get shot in the back multiple times in this country are political opposition, journalists and human-rights activists."

THERE is no road accident quite so personal and rubber-neckingly fascinating as a caravan crash, like the one in Somerset captured on a lorry dash-camera a few days ago. The driver seemed to lose control of the towing car and in a split-second the caravan was reduced to matchwood. But it gets worse. Your caravan is your holiday home, filled with your possessions and imprinted with your style. Suddenly it is all flung across the road in a great gout of milk, yoghurt, pans, pots, bedding and the contents of your chemical toilet, all laid bare for passers-by to gawp at, and pass their opinions on. Nice crockery, shame about the macrame wall hangings.

DRIVERS with caravans live in mortal dread of something called snaking, when the caravan develops a mind of its own and starts swaying from side to side, sometimes developing enough momentum to drag the car with it. On the internet you will find all sorts of advice on how to cope with snaking. And for every expert who offers his remedy you will find another expert who recommends the exact opposite. Another excellent reason for staying in B&B.

BACK on the penitent stool. I wrote a few days ago about Kirkcudbrightshire and managed to leave out the c. My apologies.

HOW the NHS works. A reader tells me his friend, suffering from abdominal pains, went to his local hospital's A&E unit. A man in a white coat with a stethoscope examined him and told him he ought to see a doctor. The patient then went to a nearby NHS drop-in centre where he was diagnosed and told to see his GP who referred him to a consultant, back at the same hospital.

HERE'S a coincidence. As the spring heatwave reached its peak and lardarse Brits showed off millions of hectares of beer bellies, thunder thighs and industrial-scale cleavages, scientists reported the curious fact that obese people are less likely to develop Alzheimer's. Have you ever seen a nation so fervently united in the fight against dementia? Another pastie, Ethel?