Your health in the stars?

A CONSERVATIVE MP, David Tredinnick says astrology could have a role in health care (no jokes about Uranus, thanks) and those who dismiss such ideas are "racially prejudiced." Not necessarily. We Taureans just happen to be very sceptical.

A GEMINI asks: "Would I qualify for twice as much help?"

A GLOBAL Clot of the Month award would ad a little joy to these troubled times. There is no shortage of contestants. Over the past few days we have heard of the man in Doncaster who flew a Nazi swastika flag outside his house, not realising it might cause offence, punters at a South London market who paid £10 a time for "Chanel" when the bottles were clearly marked "Chamele" and the Boko Harum fighters in Nigeria who tried to cross a checkpoint by wearing women's clothes but were spotted because they failed to cover their big, bushy beards.

NO surprises in the latest figures showing Cameron's government allowed net migration of almost 300,000 last year. About 505 million people are EU citizens and every single one of them has a perfect right to live in Britain. As the General Election approaches, you can safely assume that anyone who claims to have an "immigration policy" is lying.

NO-one is to be prosecuted for the bin-lorry disaster in Glasgow which killed six people. The Scottish legal system has recognised it was a blame-free fatal accident. When did you last hear of one of those in England? There seems a vengeful mind-set under English law that if someone dies in a road accident, someone else must be 100 per cent guilty. How many times have you read a case of causing death by dangerous or careless driving and thought: "Hang on, that's not fair"? There are cases where the accused driver is hammered and the dead person is presumed to be totally blameless. We've seen cases when a doomed pedestrian stepped off the kerb in front of the vehicle, when the accused driver's car was shunted into a fatal collision by another vehicle and yet another when the motorcyclist who died was clearly going far too fast for the luckless driver to avoid. Glasgow reminds us that sometimes there is such a thing as a pure accident. Look and learn.

OUR latest war hero, L/Cpl Joshua Leakey VC, is a credit to his family, his regiment and his country and he can wear his Victoria Cross with pride. But he is not only a hero. In these media-mad times he is also a celebrity. From now on, his good deeds will be praised to the heights but if he gets into any trouble, the skies will fall in on him. Joshua Leakey has become public property. For the rest of his life he will live in a goldfish bowl.

SO farewell, the TV licence? Don't bank on it. Just because the Commons culture committee says the licence is outdated and unfair does not mean it's on the way out. The BBC is hard-wired into the heart of the Establishment. It has many friends in high places and is not going to part with its annual £4,000 million-a-year bung without a fight.

A READER urges me to open my eyes, look again at Ed Miliband and accept that he is not "Weird Ed" at all. I am trying. It's not working yet.