The best club in the world

GO Set a Watchman is the title of Harper Lee's forthcoming novel. Curious. I assumed the sequel to To Kill a Mockingbird would be To Cook a Mockingbird.

A POLICE campaign against thefts from vans in the West Midlands shows thieves breaking open a van's rear door in just six seconds and stealing valuable tools. Of course, drivers should leave nothing inside worth nicking. But surely the van makers must share the blame. Modern car-door locks make it virtually impossible to drive away a vehicle without the key. So why can the rear doors on a van be breached in six seconds?

BEST moment by far in Inside the Commons (BBC2) came when the new Rotherham MP Sarah Champion, flushed with success after getting a clause inserted in the law on child abuse, was talking excitedly to the camera. Suddenly David Cameron passed across the screen behind her and, barely stopping, said: "Well spoken. That was very good." So this is our Sarah, the woman of the people, the no-nonsense, ecky-thump socialist from Oop North who takes a pride in her common touch and flyaway "unparliamentary" hair. She's unexpectedly face-to-face with the uber-toff Tory from Downing Street, the class enemy, the Bullingdon boy, the heir to Thatcher, and he's saying sweet things to her. So how did she react? Maybe there was a hint of shock and irritation. But there was also a girlish fluster, like a lass unexpectedly kissed by someone she secretly fancied. It was a reminder that the Palace of Westminster is a seductive club which draws in even those MPs who are determined to be outsiders. A reminder, too, that MPs tend to be closer to each other than they are to us, the people.

INSIDE the Commons was filmed some time ago. Sarah Champion appeared on telly this week to comment on the Rotherham scandal. What a transformation. The "unparliamentary" hair had been tamed, the eyebrows plucked, the lippy and make-up beautifully applied and she was wearing big glittery earrings. A star in the making.

THINGS to do on a snowy day. I didn't know until this week that the DVLA website offers a free service to find out the tax status of any motor vehicle. I wasted several happy minutes tracking down my old jalopies which, almost without exception, have passed out of the sight of man and on to the scrap heaps.

A READER tells me he belongs to a motor club which used the DVLA website to check the status of 300 entrants to a rally. Although all the vehicles displayed tax discs, 50 of them according to the DVLA, were untaxed or incorrectly registered.

WHATEVER some Tory-supporting London newspapers may tell you, the likeliest outcome of the General Election in May, based on current polls, is that Miliband the Younger will be the next prime minister. He may well have to form a UK government in coalition with the SNP's Alex Salmond, a man dedicated to the destruction of the UK. As the old greeting goes, may you live in uninteresting times.

HOW serious is the SNP threat? The polls are not always the best guide. Sometimes, the bookies know better. And sometimes it's worth having a word with the people who make the system work. It is reported this week that the House of Commons officials have already made contact with the SNP about "the prospect of a surge of Nationalist MPs descending on Westminster following the General Election." If the staff are already counting chairs, it speaks volumes.