A ban on bishops

TUESDAY was Democracy Day on the BBC. Do you remember voting for that?

IRONICALLY, Democracy Day brought an announcement so blatantly undemocratic that it makes your eyes water. The Church of England announced that, for the next ten years, all bishops' seats in the House of Lords will be reserved for newly appointed women bishops. So a privilege which is already restricted to one denomination of one single faith will now be restricted even further by a gender bar. The only cause for joy is that it is all done by amending the Bishopric Act, which raises a smile.

IF a second chamber at Westminster is necessary or desirable, isn't it high time we got a grip on the grossly over-swollen House of Lords, slashed its numbers from 800 to perhaps 200 and appointed Lords on merit, not because they are party donors, celebrities, unemployable ex-MPs or God-botherers?

I SUSPECT this week's rift between Chris Bryant MP and James Blunt is based on pure jealousy. Bryant has made three attempts to get into showbiz and failed to impress. His first career was as an Anglican priest, a profession somewhere between social services and public entertainer. The second was as an MP which is much the same. His third was that infamous posting of himself in his Y-fronts on a dating website. It is almost impossible to think of Bryant without thinking "Underpants Man." James Blunt, on the other hand, served his country (while fully dressed) as an army officer and went on to become a successful singer. Bryant, himself a product of private education and Oxford, laments the rise of privileged, middle-class performers declaring: "We can't just have a culture dominated by Eddie Redmayne and James Blunt and their ilk. Where are the Albert Finneys and the Glenda Jacksons? They came through a meritocratic system." Actually, both Finney and Jackson were grammar-school kids. So does Chris Bryant support grammar schools? Apparently not. Only a few weeks ago he denounced them as elitist. See, kids? Prance around in your underpants and you'll develop muddled thinking.

THE real reason we have so few working-class artists is simple. According to the statistics, the working class has shrunk from 75 per cent of the population 50 years ago to barely 40 per cent today.

THE snag is that being middle-class means you have to find middle-class solutions for life's little problems. Take this week's spat involving a mother in Cornwall who organised a party for five-year-olds. One kid failed to turn up so the mother presented his family with an official-looking invoice for "no show £15.95" and is threatening court action to recover the money. Back in the old days when we were all working class, this disagreement would have been settled with a good old-fashioned cat fight between the parents until a burly bobby separated them and told them to shake hands.

FIRST World problems are those little trials which exist only in affluent societies. Take the little furore spotted a few days ago by a reader in a restaurant which advertised free wi-fi. Spotting this advert, one twentysomething diner abandoned his meal to log on. Finding the signal was too weak, he complained that this not only infringed his human rights but was against the law. Perfect.

ANOTHER class cock-up, this time from Labour's Chuka Umunna, shadow business secretary and MP for Streatham. Faced with an unexpected question, he flounced out of a Sky News interview declaring: "I'm not just going to speak off-piste." As they say in Streatham.