Je ne suis pas Charlie
Blogger of the Year PETER RHODES on hurtful humour, the difficulty of alerting the iPhone generation and, well basically, a new way of answering questions.
A FRIEND has an appointment tomorrow to see the stroke nurse. Who dreams up these job-titles?
A MONTY Python sketch once introduced us to Brigadier Arthur Farquar-Smith, chairman of the British Well Basically Club, who began: "Well, basically." It got a laugh because "well, basically" had become so embedded in1970s chat that it had become a sort of spoken quotation marks without which no conversation was possible. Have you noticed the 21st century equivalent? It is the single word "So . . ." used by politicians, pundits and scientists as the first word in any answer to any question. "Chancellor, is your Budget a pile of piffle?" "So . . . " Watch out for it. "So" is the new "well, basically."
GREAT predictions of our time. Last week I sang the praises of that little-mentioned movie masterpiece, The Grand Budapest Hotel. The very next day it got a staggering 11 Bafta nominations. How do I do it? Well, basically . . . .
NATIONAL treasure alert. In A Night at Hampton Court (BBC2) the wonderful Lucy Worsley ascended the scaffolding on the palace roof wearing the obligatory hard hat. And heels. And a skirt.
SORRY, folks, but after much consideration, Je ne suis pas Charlie. I will march against terrorism. I will march in sorrow and solidarity with the bereaved. I will march in rage and despair at the premeditated slaughter of fellow journalists. But I will not march to defend the absolute right to freedom of expression. There is no such right, and nor should there be.
THE dismay and anger over cartoons showing Mohammed is not restricted to the wilder fringes of Islamism. It is right at the heart of the beliefs and traditions of Muslims who make up 10 per cent of the French population. It offends the very people whose help we most need to defeat the psychopaths of jihadism. There is a cultural gulf here between Britain and France. There was a time when British newspapers and periodicals used the wickedest caricatures of Jews, Catholics, blacks, the Irish and other minorities. We have grown up and moved on; France has not. Today, the British relentlessly scrutinise the ruling classes but treat minorities with respect. The French media cheerfully overlook the corruption of their leaders but seem to think that offending Islam and other religions is a sacred right. Be very wary of today's mantra that laughter is the weapon of freedom and equality. Nazi propaganda against the Jews began with cartoons. Humour is healthy only when we laugh at those in power or at ourselves. When we turn it against our neighbours, a cartoon in a magazine can be as ugly as a swastika daubed on a Jewish shop. You don't build a better society by spitting in the faces of 10 per cent of your people.
MEANWHILE, you have to smile at the official advice for all Brits to be on their guard against terrorist attacks. Look at the average crowd in any street or shopping mall. The ones who aren't texting, surfing or chatting on their mobiles are probably insulated from the world by earphones and iPod. People have never been so closed-in and utterly unaware of what is going on around them. If you walked down a high street carrying a large smoking object marked "bomb," would anybody notice?
