Dropping the C-word

THE festive specials of Celebrity Mastermind (BBC1) are a timely reminder that a) you can be a celebrity without anybody knowing who you are, and b) celebrities can get on Mastermind without knowing much about anything.

HIGHLIGHT of the festive viewing for me was yet another repeat of The Muppet Christmas Carol. When the film was released in 1992 the cast came to Birmingham on a promotional trip and I got to chat in a hotel bedroom with Miss Piggy, Kermit and the Great Gonzo. Best interview ever.

MY recent musings on the number of bricklaying terms which would make good Shakespearean characters (Bolster, Coving etc) has barely scratched the surface, according to one reader who appears to be an expert both on bricklaying and the Bard (there's always one, isn't there?). She suggests an entire cast of mortar-based characters including Dogleg, Quoin, Cant, Bullnose and Cownose.

OUR changing language. Or to be more accurate, the Yanks' changing language. The US news channel CNN carries an online report about the Nigerian families whose girls were kidnapped by Boko Haram terrorists. It is headlined: "Holidays Without Our Missing Girls." The distraught mother of one girl said: "It is a bad Christmas." The father said: "Every Christmas, we used to be complete and happy." The whole essence of this story was about loss at Christmas. No-one said a word about "holidays." But in the United States the word Christmas is deemed to be non-inclusive and politically incorrect. So they insert the word "holidays" instead, even when the result is gibberish.

IF, like me, you are suspicious of anything connecting you, or your money, to the internet, here's something new to worry about. We all know computer webcams can be switched on by a malicious virus without the owner's knowledge. A reader writes of his fears about a new generation of smart televisions with voice-command function. Once you agree to the terms and conditions, the software is installed and you can change your internet-connected TV to a new channel simply by asking for it, via a microphone within the set. My reader asks: "If the microphone is active, what else might be transmitted from one's living room or even bedroom? How long would it take a hacker to override any safeguards, or am I being paranoid?"

WHY does God allow innocent shoppers to be mown down and killed by a lorry in Glasgow? Within hours of the tragedy a reader who describes himself as a Christian emailed me: "Many people (non-Christians) find it difficult to accept that God does things His way which is not the way they would like. However, this has to be accepted and not doing so is in itself a sin." So that's all right, then. And if you don't think it's all right, you're a sinner. If you reckon the Islamic State is a tad extreme, you'd be amazed what some Brits believe.

FAT, flabby, wheezing, unhealthy. It is hard to move through the sales crowds without concluding that we Brits are a grossly unfit bunch. So when the Defence Secretary Michael Fallon (who has never served a day in uniform) declares: "Our armed forces should reflect the society they serve," he is spouting dangerous nonsense. Our armed forces should be the toughest, strongest, brightest young men and women we can possibly recruit. We want Her Majesty's finest, not the Queen's Own Lardarses.

JIM Naughtie on Today (Radio 4) takes this winter's prize for being the first to warn us of "feezing frog."