The other Mr Johnson

OUR changing language. Jousting = inquiry, directed to a wasp, by a Brummie.

"THE problem is that he won't show any interest." Unnamed Labour source explaining there is widespread support for deposing Ed Miliband as leader and replacing him with Alan Johnson, "if Mr Johnson expressed interest."

IF Alan Johnson did express interest, the Tories could start clearing their desks long before next May's General Election. Unlike Miliband, Johnson is a proper socialist, a council-house, grammar-school boy who had a real job as a postman and understands more about real people than Miliband will ever know. The prospect of someone like Alan Johnson emerging as Labour leader in the final seven months before the election is the ultimate Tory nightmare.

JOHNSON, 64, also has a fine turn of speed. I once asked him a tricky question and he ended the press conference and left the room like a whippet.

CAN television comedy ever get too clever? In The Detectorists (BBC4), Becky (Rachael Stirling) tells her archeology-mad boyfriend Andy ( Mackenzie Crook ) that he is "my Howard Carter." He responds by tugging the neck of her dress and looking down her cleavage. "Can you see anything?" she asks. "Yes, wonderful things," he replies, approvingly. And how many viewers got the joke? One in 100, perhaps? To understand this exchange, you need to know that Howard Carter was the man who discovered Tutankhamun's tomb. You must also know that as Carter first gazed into the tomb by the light of a lantern in November 1922 and saw the pharaoh's golden treasure, his friend Lord Carnarvon asked: "Can you see anything?" and Carter replied "Yes, wonderful things." There was a time when every English child knew of that momentous exchange. But today? The Detectorists is written and directed by Crook and has great promise. But is it pitched over our heads? And even if you got the Howard Carter joke, do you worry how many other gags you may have missed?

Check out a clip from The Detectorists

CHARLOTTE Green, the sexiest voice on radio, is recalling her happy days reading the Shipping Forecast. I found myself reminded of the Two Ronnies' newsreading sketch when it was announced that a weathergirl (as they were then called) regretted retiring: "She says she's sorry she Finisterre because now she's got Rockall to do."

OVER 60 and thinking of joining the National Trust? Read on. My item last week on the NT senior-rate subscription has brought a crop of emails from budget-minded readers. The NT offers a discount of more than £30 on the usual £98 for couples, if one is aged over 60 and they share an address - but only if they have been members for five of the 10 previous years. As some of you point out, the National Trust for Scotland (0844 493 2100 ) offers joint senior membership for just £46.50 if one of the couple is over 60. And you automatically get access to all 300 NT properties in England and Wales. I can't see any catch in the small print, so it might be worth a try.

A READER tells me he shared my puzzlement on seeing the sales slogan: "Elderly walk in showers," featured in Monday's column. He says he was looking for a new shower, not an elderly one.

ANOTHER reader says she's cracked the dilemma of charities who ask for money but will accept it only through direct debit payments. Cheerfully ignoring all the payment instructions on a leaflet from Water Aid, she simply sent an old-fashioned cheque to the address. It was duly cashed.