The terror of a warplane next to your airliner

THANKS for your suggestions of alternative final lines to Gone With the Wind, as spoken by Scarlett to the departing Rhett. I particularly like: "Rhett! Don't forget, it's the green bin for kitchen waste."

IN these days of equality, tolerance and human rights it is inevitable that the declared aim of a new sperm bank funded by the NHS is to help all couples, including lesbians. Nothing wrong with that. What strikes me as odd is that folk will be able to choose the ethnicity and eye and hair colour of the donor. So you'll be able to strike a blow for equality, tolerance and human rights - while making quite sure your baby is the "right" colour.

SO WHAT exactly was the point of the RAF Typhoon escorting an airliner into Manchester Airport on Tuesday after a passenger allegedly claimed he had a bomb? What was the pilot supposed to do - shoot it down? The sight of the Typhoon so close to the passenger plane put the fear of God into those on board. The scariest flying experience I've ever had came when a pair of RAF Phantoms appeared on either side of our Tristar on the descent into the Falklands some years ago. I can imagine the military mind assuming that the sight of one of their big grey warplanes would reassure civilians but take it from me, and the folk aboard Flight QR23, they have quite the opposite effect.

THE case of Alexis Scott, the Police Community Support Officer convicted of stealing £10,000 from passengers at Gatwick, should set alarm bells ringing. In her police uniform, Scott told foreign passengers they were forbidden from taking more than £1,000 out of the UK. If they didn't give her their excess money she said she would detain them. Canterbury Crown Court heard she even held out her hat for people to put money in, including one woman who gave her £3,000 in the belief that she could later reclaim it. This was not a one-off offence but a repeated con. As the judge said: "What on earth is going on in this proud country when officials in police uniform can steal money from you?" Precisely.

YET Scott is hardly alone. We have too many bent cops. A report in 2009 revealed that more than 1,000 serving police officers in Britain had convictions, some for fraud and theft. A special constable was still serving despite being convicted of stealing car number plates and using them to steal petrol from service stations. A Pc in Kent had a conviction for perverting the course of justice while an officer in North Wales had been convicted of forgery. The number of bad apples may be small but it's disturbing that constabularies employ some people who are clearly, deeply dishonest. If the recruitment process can root out the candidates who are too short, too weak, too racist and too thick, why can't it detect the ones who are plain dishonest?

THEY might start by slipping a £20 note inside the recruitment-test papers. Any candidate who fails to declare the money is chucked out.

A READER rages about a think-tank report showing that spending on infrastructure is £5,426 per head in London but only £223 in the North East. There is a simple explanation. Londoners need the new £15,000 million Crossrail project. Geordies need a shed for the whippet.

MORE of your alternative last words from Scarlett in Gone With the Wind: "Rhett there's no excuse for that attitude. Lots of women don't understand the offside rules."