Putin is not the only one with questions to answer

OXYMORONS of our time. In the fridge at Chateau Rhodes I discover a pack of "traditional vegan sausages."

THE Commonwealth Games begin and the norovirus epidemic is still causing misery in the games village in Glasgow. After the daily excitement of the Queen's Baton Relay comes the added urgency of Pass the Bedpan.

THE House of Lords debate on assisted dying was a magnificent, heartwarming event. It was a reminder that we live in a decent country, where civilization is hard-wired deep in our national soul. We debate, we argue, we bicker. We take opposing positions and yet we resolve things intelligently and with regard for the views, religions and sensitivities of others. Where else on this planet do law-makers listen with respect and genuine interest to the views of Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Christians, agnostics and atheists? You cannot help contrasting our stable and considerate system with what is happening at the other end of Europe where the rule of law belongs to thugs carrying Kalashnikovs patrolling the airliner crash site, frustrating the work of investigators, treating the bodies as bargaining chips and letting off the occasional bullet, just to prove they are in charge. What madness possesses the European Union to force its borders ever closer to such benighted places? And what foolish promises were made by the EU to the rebels in Kiev that sparked this revolution and led directly to this disaster? In this bloody debacle, Vladimir Putin is not the only one with questions to answer.

THE Lords debate also gave us one interesting peek into the future. One of the speakers was the 72-year-old Baron Rees of Ludlow who looks exactly as David Tennant will look 30 years from now.

ALL teabags present and correct. Plain scones ordered. Assorted bottles of bubbly in the fridge. It is our ruby wedding this week, featuring the social event of the season to which you are, of course, all invited (in spirit, that is). I ought to be able to say something wise and meaningful on the subject of matrimony but I am haunted by the sneering words of a female columnist some years ago: "Monogamy is very difficult for interesting people." Maybe we should have ordered scones with sultanas. Then again, too much excitement can be unhealthy.

OKAY, here's a wise and meaningful thought. When you are young 40 years seems a hell of a long time. When you are older it has suddenly skipped by.

THE next big scandal? The one that will make a good living for lawyers long after the Savile compensation payments have been sorted? Look no further than those "units of alcohol" which appear on every bottle of booze and every safe-drinking advert. Just before last Christmas a Radio 4 documentary claimed that these units, used by every government since 1987, were simply plucked out of the air and have no basis in fact. I suggested then that "alcohol could be the new asbestos" with legal actions against the Department of Health by thousands of sick and dying people claiming they were guided by Whitehall's approved alcohol limits. Sure enough, the latest guidelines by the health watchdog Nice, released last week (and rather lost amid reports of the air disaster in Ukraine) state that "there is no safe level of alcohol consumption." Compensation and treble cranberry juices all round. I bet the lawyers are sharpening their quills.

YET another example of that all-purpose term "up and running." In Warwickshire, a local newspaper tells us a First World War history walk is now "up and running."