How can a "never event" ever happen?

HOW can we comprehend the passing of centuries? That great observer Matthew Parris uses the late Queen Mother's lifespan of 101 years as a yardstick: "Nine Queen Mothers laid end to end will take you all the way back to the vikings."

"I SAY with some pride that I had a state education; school, university. None of it cost me or my parents a penny. It's a situation which young people in education today can only dream of and this is wrong." Alan Bennett, 80 today. And he's right.

THE snag is that in Bennett's day only a small percentage of teenagers were considered bright enough for university. They were seen as a national asset to be nurtured and developed in the common interest. The rest of us got jobs. As such elitisim is no longer acceptable, we now send half of our kids to university, creating tens of thousands of graduates who seem to know nothing about anything.

NO-ONE doubts that rape is a terrible ordeal. Rape trials should not be a second nightmare for the victim. But neither should they become some sort of second-class trial where different rules apply and a full investigation of the facts is curtailed. The Director of Public Prosecutions, Alison Saunders, says judges should instruct juries to take no account of the victim's sexual history, any alcohol consumed or the fact that the woman had previously consented to sex with the defendant. Saunders says this will help tackle "myths and stereotypes." Maybe it will. But whatever happened to the search for the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

OUR changing language. A patient at a hospital in Liverpool was accidentally given a vasectomy during a minor op. The hospital trust says this was only its second "never event." The term is used to describe something that should never happen. Yet a "never event" is, by definition, something that has happened. How about the simpler and more honest expression "cock up"?

THE trouble with laws is that they are drafted and approved by stone-cold sober lawyers and politicians and then applied to yobs, thugs and scumbags who have just drunk 14 pints of lager. I suggested some time ago that our laws would be much better if the lawmakers consumed 14 pints of lager before drafting them but Parliament has yet to adopt this helpful and common-sense proposal. Instead, MPs seem to assume that if they only make sentences tougher, villains will thoughtfully consider the consequences of their actions. This week it is solemnly announced that the maximum sentence for causing death by driving while disqualified will be raised from two to 10 years. I wish it luck but I recall one case where the defendant had been banned from driving for a year, left the court and drove himself home. Most criminals don't have the slightest idea of consequences. That's why they are criminals.

THERE is no excuse for the spate of petty vandalism and theft reported this week at Auschwitz. The Nazi extermination camp in Poland should be one of the most hallowed places on earth. And yet the daily influx of school trips, the constant clicking of cameras and the huge coach parks do create the unfortunate first impression that Auschwitz is just another tourist spot.

MICHAEL "Skull Cracker" Wheatley, currently serving 13 life sentences, has had a very busy few days. He walked out of an open prison in Kent, made his way to London, got involved in a tussle with cops in Bow and is now back in prison. After such a hectic time, isn't he entitled to weekend leave?