Are they telling us the truth about suncream?

SOME headlines are too good to bin. I fancy "Rail Chaos Hits Easter Getaway" has been with us ever since newspapers and railways shared this planet. That headline will have been lovingly tucked away in the computers for next year.

"THE most thankless job in the world." Correspondent Peter Osborne's description of the minister for tourism in Syria.

TRADITIONAL Eastertide noises: birds twittering, teaching unions whining and families bickering. But drowning out everything is the screeching roar of bikers wringing every ounce of power from their machines. Some bikers clearly set out with the deliberate intention of breaking the speed limits. Motorcyclists represent only one per cent of all traffic on UK roads yet account for up to 20 per cent of the deaths and serious injuries. In a collision bikers are about 40 times more likely to be killed than car drivers. So why do the authorities spend so much time and money nicking car drivers?

OUR changing language. Did you catch the lady from the Met Office promising us "a sandwich of sunshine"? We got a doughnut of damp.

BUT at least we were spared yesterday's forecast of "heavery thundery showers" (Evan Davies, Radio 4)

AS night follows day, Monday's report of a huge increase in skin cancer over the past 40 years produced the usual assortment of experts advising us to slap on plenty of suncream. There is another school of thought which points out that the rise in skin cancers mirrors the rise in suncream use. And if you think it is a proven scientific fact that suncreams protect you from cancer, think again. Cancer Research UK's website tells us: "The impact of sunscreen use on skin cancer risk remains unclear . . . sunscreen should be used together with clothing and shade to protect the skin from sun damage, and should never be used to spend longer in the sun. Research shows sunscreen users may counteract the protective effect of sunscreens by spending longer in the sun than non-users, applying their sunscreen incorrectly or failing to use protective clothing." In other words, suncream users may actually be at greater risk than non-users. Keep your shirt on. Buy a hat.

ENDEAVOUR (ITV) ended, as all the best crime series do, with our hero in trouble, his sidekick gravely wounded, the suspiciously-nice chief superintendent looking like a criminal mastermind - and loads of scope for a third series. It may have been occasionally improbable but Endeavour was beautifully done. But,oh, those endless advert breaks. Doesn't there come a time when people simply get sick and tired of the same repeated ads? I do not want to hear the words "Viking River Cruises" again for a very long time.

MAYBE there is a God. The power cut which wiped out much of Gibraltar's online-gambling industry on Easter Sunday was the e-age equivalent of Christ smiting the moneylenders on the temple steps. Online gambling is a pernicious thing. Unlike high-street and racecourse betting, it brings temptation into people's homes and the losers tend to be those least able to afford it. Every time this industry gets a slapping, I rejoice.

"NEVER in the field of human conflict has one jellyfish had the backing of so many." Sky News emailer joining the chorus of zero-sympathy for David Cameron, stung by a jellyfish in Lanzarote.

IT COULD have been worse. Think of the fun they'd have had if the Prime Minister had been stung in the Balearics.