You're nicked, Reverend.

OUR changing language. In the debate on flexible working for mothers, a lady on the radio described employment conditions as "the lived experience of women on the ground."

THERE is, of course, a sane, simple, fair and reasonable way to ensure that mothers and childless women are treated equally in the workplace. It's just that no-one has discovered it yet.

SO what is a reasonable length of time to hold an innocent person behind bars? John Craven is a street preacher in Manchester. He was approached by two gay teenagers who asked his views on homosexuality. Mr Craven read them the bible verses from Revelation about sinners burning in a lake of fire and sulphur, but stressed that "God hates sin but He loves the sinner."The boys complained to a policeman that Mr Craven's words were "insulting" and had caused them "harassment and distress." The copper promptly arrested the preacher and took him to the cells where he was held for 19 hours. Mr Craven has now won £13,000 in compensation under the Human Rights Act. A police spokesman says: "We acknowledge that we did make mistakes and, in particular, kept the claimant in custody for too long." Too long? I repeat, what do the cops these days consider a reasonable length of time to bang up an English citizen whose only offence is to explain his religion to passers-by?

AND supposing Mr Craven had been a Muslim street preacher and used the same words. What would be the chances of him being locked up? About a cat's chance in a lake of fire and sulphur, I guess.

I HAVE a confession. I have a body mass index (BMI) of 26.1. This means, according to NHS guidelines, that I am overweight. But when I read about overweight people I never think it's referring to me because such articles are invariably illustrated with pictures of morbidly obese lard-buckets telescoping into their own rolls of blubber. Meanwhile, shops and catalogues use bigger models to make us feel more relaxed about those extra pounds. Chief Medical Officer Dame Sally Davies calls the process "the normalisation of obesity." We kid ourselves that fat people are other people, never us or our loved ones. I am well-built, you are cuddly, he is a mountain of Trex.

ANYWAY, latest research suggests we need to eat at least seven portions of fruit or veg per day to live long and healthy lives. But you don 't have to endure mountains of broccoli and kale. It is perfectly possibly to convince yourself that anything resembling a vegetable or piece of fruit will do. Try these tasty alternatives: bitter lemon, chocolate orange, toffee apple, peardrops, fruit-salad chews, raspberry ripple and three cherries on the fruit machine.

WE should be very wary of people like Andrew Miller, chairman of the Commons science and technology select committee,when he harangues the BBC for balancing the views of mainstream climate-change scientists with those of sceptics. Mr Miller's committee calls for the media to reflect "the actual state of climate science." This is part of a growing movement to silence all sceptics and reveal only the true faith. The Spanish Inquisition would have thoroughly approved.

THE plain historical truth is that "the actual state" of science is usually a passing thing. Scientific "facts," like BMI measurements, alcohol units and the definition of a recession, are often guesstimates or opinions. The history of science is the history of men and women in white coats announcing this week they have discovered the absolute truth and the stuff they were preaching with equal conviction last week was folklore, hokum and balderdash.