Just do it

JOANNA Gosling will be buying the drinks this weekend. In an unguarded moment the BBC newsreader kicked off the morning bulletin with: "The Governor of the Bank of England is being questioned by police, er, sorry, by MPs."

SHERYL Sandberg, the Facebook chief executive and Anna Maria Chavez, the head of American Girl Scouts, are heading a campaign to ban the word "bossy" on the grounds that being called bossy undermines the confidence of girls. What a pair of bossyboots.

ED Miliband says a Labour government would not hold a referendum on membership of the EU unless Britain is asked to transfer more powers to Brussels. Imagine the fun the lawyers could have defining "powers," "asked," "transfer" and "to Brussels." What Miliband really means is that the British people will never be allowed to pull out. Which, to be fair, is much the same as David Cameron means.

THE net result of Cameron and Miliband's EU dithering will be a landslide for Ukip in the EU elections in May. It's that opportunity we humble voters get every five years to thumb our noses at the big political parties with that wonderful line from Romeo and Juliet: a plague on both your houses.

WHEN Auntie Beeb blubs about the loss of its "experimental" station BBC3, we should not grieve too much. BBC3 was a fantastic luxury, a means of trying out programmes that the Beeb's hugely-paid executives were unsure about. What this tells us is that the BBC employs people who are so out of touch with their audience that they can watch Little Britain, Nighty Night, Two Pints of Lager and Gavin & Stacey and not realise they are looking at pure gold. Worrying, isn't it?

HAROLD Macmillan was once asked by a journalist what he most feared in politics and replied: "Events, dear boy, events." Events certainly overtook Evan Davis's programmes, Mind the Gap (BBC2), examining the gulf between London and the rest of Britain. No study of London is complete without mentioning the curious fact that the massive influx of the global super-rich now influences UK foreign policy. How could Britain seriously intervene in Vladimir Putin's Crimean adventure when Vlad's pals might respond by taking themselves and their billions out of London, precipitating the biggest property crash in history? Dollars and roubles, dear boy. Dollars and roubles.

AN American family barricaded themselves in the bedroom of their home in Oregon after being attacked by a creature which the man of the house described in a panicky 911 call as "very, very hostile." It was Lux, the black-and-white family cat. All together now: The Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.

AFTER this week's suggestion of a super-city to be called Greater Birmingham, there was outrage further west and even a demand for it to be called Greater Black Country. The only fair way forward is to find the exact centre of the proposed city and take that as the name. After much measuring on the map I have it. Greater Pleck.

ORGANISERS of a First World War commemoration in Shepton Mallet, Somerset, wanted to lower the Union Jack to half-mast as a sign of remembrance. For some bizarre reason the town council decided to ask the Government's permission. A Whitehall official promptly said no, on the grounds that flags may be flown at half-mast only "to mark the death of a member of the Royal family or an important statesperson, or to mark a tragedy has just happened rather than to celebrate anniversaries of tragic events." That unkind ruling has now been overturned but this little saga proves a very old point: It is much easier to apologise after the event than to get permission beforehand. Just do it.