Will this dry spring last for weeks?

A READER asks: "Do worried carpenters use a fret saw?"

ONE of the newer theories about climate change is that once weather patterns are established, they will last longer than normal. This would explain last year's long, nasty winter and this year's long, nasty spell of storms and floods. This week, Britain is sitting in a huge area of high pressure. If the slow-change theory works, it should hang around, delivering a dry, occasionally sunny spring for weeks on end. No, I wouldn't put money on it, either.

I CAN understand some New Zealanders wanting to change their national flag on the grounds that it is too much like the Australian flag and, with its Union Jack, has echoes of colonialism. I can understand, too, the desire to replace it with the fern leaf, the proud symbol of New Zealand. But a fern leaf on a black background? Black is the colour of mourning and black flags are associated with pirates and Muslim extremists. The black flag with a fern leaf would be perfect for the Auckland branch of al Qaeda.

MILITARY note. Some British units which served with the 2nd New Zealand division in North Africa in the last war are entitled to wear the division's symbol on their uniform and blazers. This explains why you will see some old soldiers and some Territorial Army units (or Army Reserve, as we are now supposed to call them) proudly wearing the fern leaf, 70-odd years after the campaign.

NO-ONE wants to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the First World War but a modest symbol of remembrance is appropriate. I invested £2 in a small lapel badge with the image of a Flanders poppy and the dates 1914-2014. I bought it in a Royal British Legion club (I dine in some classy joints) from a long-serving RBL member and the proceeds will go to Legion funds. But be warned. Anybody can make and sell such badges. One advert on eBay announces: "Poppy lapel badge. Buy as many badges as you want and pay only £1.50." If you are invited to buy such a badge for some alleged charity, don't pay over the odds. You might want to ask where the money is going. You might even ask to see some identity. If in doubt, buy your badges at official RBL websites. The RBL tells me: "We strongly encourage anyone re-selling poppy items to donate to the Legion and urge buyers on eBay to look for the 'eBay for Charity' ribbon which identifies listings where a percentage of the sale will be donated to charity." There are some deeply unscrupulous people out there and I bet some of them may be about to recreate one of the nastier aspects of 1914-1918 - war profiteering.

IN LIFE, unspeakable. In death, unimpeachable. What a shame some of the nice things being said about Bob Crow since his sudden death were not said before. Two things made me like him. Firstly, I always admire people who speak up for others. Secondly, I never use the Tube.

HOW could the crisis-hit Co-Op Bank, having discovered a £1.5 billion black hole in its accounts, even consider awarding its new (and now resigned) boss a £3.6 million package? Simple. All it requires is an understanding of bankenomics, a black art which should not be confused with economics or anything resembling sound budgeting. Bankenomics dictates that when a bank makes a huge profit it clearly has to reward its senior staff, so it's massive bonuses all round. Bankenomics also dictates that when a bank makes a huge loss, it clearly has to attract better staff. So it's massive bonuses all round.