The joys of lobbying with alcohol

I WROTE a few days ago about how the free movement of Labour within the EU has stripped some regions of their population. A reader writes: "It's January 9 and I have not seen a Bulgarian yet. To be fair, I've only been in Bulgaria for three days."

THE heavens open, our local ford floods and two mighty trucks judder to a halt at the water's edge. The lorry drivers, a pair of big, bold, beefy blokes, consider their options with much sucking of teeth, head-scratching, tentative paddling and mobile-phone calls. As they admit defeat and prepare to reverse away, a tiny Peugeot splashes effortlessly through the ford. It may be foaming but it's only six inches deep. Local knowledge – priceless.

UP in the attic putting away the Xmas decorations, I found a 1997 copy of Punch. It recorded the tenth anniversary of the death of Liberace and explained how, by legal threats, pay-offs and the sheer power of his celebrity status, the star managed to keep his sexual preferences a secret for years. Couldn't possibly happen now, could it?

BENEFITS Street (C4) stands accused of giving viewers tips on shoplifting. And why not? Thieving from shops has been virtually decriminalised. It is "punished" with a fixed-penalty ticket which puts it on a par with not wearing your seat belt. No wonder so many Brits regard shoplifting as a career choice. As with any career, it demands certain skills. I was once shown the perfect way to steal from shelves by a manager at a branch of Woolworths who was helping me with a feature on shoplifting. It was a very neat, undetectable move which I would gladly share with you, were it not for the terrible threat of a bored copper reading me a caution.

IT IS alleged that ministers and officials had more than 100 meetings with the drinks industry before deciding not to impose alcohol price controls. So what's new? The relationship between the drinks industry and Parliament is a long and jolly one which, over the years has given us the great national gifts of cheap booze, 24-hour drinking and super-strength lager. But of course all vested interests use alcohol in the process of lobbying. In the good old days some honourable members were so well lobbied that they slid off the benches in the Commons after lunch. Absolutely lobbied.

YOU may recall some months ago I raved about Anton Lesser's performance as the angry, envious Chief Superintendent Bright in Endeavour (ITV). Small world. I found myself sitting next to the actor in the theatre at Stratford this week. He told me of a close encounter with an Endeavour fan in a supermarket who touched him on the arm and whispered: "You're a nasty bit of work, aren't you?"

FINAL thoughts on Nick Robinson's documentary, The Truth About Immigration (BBC2). Curious, wasn't it, that this one-hour programme made not a single mention of the most contentious and revealing comment made on the subject over the past 20 years? A whistle-blowing former Downing Street speech writer, Andrew Neather, revealed in 2009 that New Labour's immigration policy was intended to change the political face of Britain. Neather described: "A driving political purpose: that mass immigration was the way that the Government was going to make the UK truly multicultural. I remember coming away from some discussions with the clear sense that the policy was intended – even if this wasn't its main purpose – to rub the Right's nose in diversity and render their arguments out of date." How strange that Mr Robinson overlooked it.

AND from a long, long list of internet gags about England's dismal drubbing in the Ashes, I had to smile at this: What do you get if you cross the English cricket team with an Oxo cube? A laughing stock.