Mandela memorial signing raises questions on accuracy

A SURVEY of GP practices in England revealed appalling conditions, including maggots on a surgery floor. That's what you get for treating anglers.

IT WAS reported yesterday that scientists in China are developing technology that can make objects seemingly disappear. I can't see that working, can you?

FROM this week's report on plump schoolchildren, we learn that a trustee of the National Obesity Forum is a Mr Fry.

I THOUGHT at the time that the chap doing the deaf sign language at this week's Nelson Mandela memorial ceremony looked a bit worried. Now we learn that Thamsanqa Jantjie's "signing" was gibberish. It makes me wonder how much of the signing we see on British telly is 100 per cent accurate. They do seem to cram an awful lot of words into one or two hand gestures. You know the sort of thing. The newsreader says: "Prime Minister David Cameron and Foreign Secretary William Hague today returned from a five day conference on science and technology in Uzbekistan" and in the corner of your screen, the signer puts up three fingers, touches his nose and tweaks his ear. So which bit of that was "Uzbekistan"?

IF I enter a mosque I remove my shoes. If I go into a synagogue I cover my head with a kippa. When you enter the premises of another faith or culture, it is common courtesy to respect their ways. And when extremist religious speakers enter British universities they should accept the customs of their hosts. But Universities UK seriously suggests that audiences might be segregated, with men and women sitting apart, if a fundamentalist speaker requested it. UUK which bills itself as "the definitive voice for universities in the UK," should be ashamed of itself. Apartheid was demolished in South Africa and segregation was defeated in the States. The idea of reintroducing something similar in British universities to placate some sexually-confused throwbacks who'd be happier living in the 7th century is revolting.

SO HOW do you deal with an organisation which attempts to sexually segregate an audience on religious grounds? I'm with the emailer who suggests men should whisper earnestly to the stewards: "My religion says I must sit with females."

HALF of China disappeared under thick, choking smog this week. A disaster? Not at all. First, a state newspaper declared that a good cloak of smog could protect the country by thwarting any missile attacks. A little later, China Central Television's website offered five more benefits of a pea-souper, namely: It unifies the Chinese people, makes China more equal, raises citizen awareness of the cost of China's economic development, makes people funnier and makes them more knowledgeable (of things like meteorology and the English word "haze"). This posting has since been removed, leading to speculation that it may have been a spoof. So that's the seventh benefit of smog. It encourages jokes. Was Britain a funnier place before the Clean Air Act?

A READER writes: "Have they changed the driving test so much that they don't teach what a zebra crossing is any more?" Probably not. The snag is that in a world of flashing coloured lights and bleepers on a bewildering assortment of pelican, puffin, toucan and pegasus crossings, the poor old zebra, designed for the age of steam lorries and Austin Sevens, has become dangerously invisible, especially to drivers who spend much of their time phoning, texting or eating. Time to kill off the zebra before it kills us.

THANKS for your examples of DIY carol sheets. Front runner so far is the songsheet which included Away in a Manager and Hark the Herald Angela.