What about justice for our murdered Tommies? - The Best of Peter Rhodes

THE Independent's review of the new West End production of From Here to Eternity hails it as "gritty and sexy." Makes you wince, doesn't it?

I REFERRED recently to the anonymous blogger Enlightenment who, secure in his secrecy, had a right old rant at me. Mr Enlightenment has now set up a Twitter page where, inexplicably, he uses his full name. Hi, Phil!

IT'S November and we are still picking fruit from the fig tree in our garden and have only just re-lit the solid-fuel boiler for the first time since April. If this is global warming, bring it on.

WE assumed that part of the price of bringing peace to Ulster was the controversial policy of forgive and forget. IRA and loyalist murderers were released from prison and some are now in high public office. Yet more than 40 years on, there is talk of prosecuting the soldiers responsible for the 1972 Bloody Sunday killings. This, we are told by the Republican side, will bring justice and closure. By coincidence, in the month that the Bloody Sunday prosecutions were revealed, Bert Evans died, aged 92 . Bert was one of the last survivors of the Wormhout Massacre in May 1940 when 80 British and French prisoners-of-war were murdered in cold blood by German SS troops. There has never been any doubt who was responsible. Yet the SS commander survived to enjoy a long and prosperous retirement and the only serious attempt to prosecute anyone failed in 1988 from "lack of evidence." Curious that there is so much political pressure for closure and justice for the dead of Bloody Sunday but no-one ever bothered about Bert and the unarmed, defenceless British Tommies who were slaughtered on the road to Dunkirk by the murderers of the Third Reich.

IT IS already passing into legend that the Met Office was dazzlingly successful in predicting Monday's storm. The millions of folk living in central England will disagree. The forecasters repeatedly predicted that the storm would "sweep through the Midlands." It did not. Yet even after the storm had passed, the BBC was still reporting that it had "swept through the Midlands." The BBC version is now on the internet for all eternity. So when your grandchildren ask you about the Great Storm of 2013 and you tell them it missed us by miles, they'll nod sadly and say: "Poor granddad. He's losing it."

BUT then the BBC is hardly in touch with the nation. Last week Auntie Beeb got a ticking-off for relegating the Royal christening to the final item in some bulletins. Even stranger was the lead story on the Radio 4 lunchtime news a few days ago. According to Auntie the biggest news story of the day was the death at 89 of the British sculptor Sir Anthony Caro. The people's broadcaster, eh?

WHAT do you dread most about the enforced companionship on trains? Is it crying babies, mobile-phone shouters, football fans or drunks? Prepare for a new horror. First Great Western has agreed to Hewlett Packard putting "brand ambassadors" on its trains to demonstrate their latest tablet computers to passengers. If a smiley-faced person with a tablet enters your carriage, I can only advise you to put on a football scarf, surround yourself with empty lager cans and start shouting into your mobile.

AFTER my item on smart meters a few days ago, a lady tells me she had one installed, along with a new "state-of-the-art" (i.e. rubbish) boiler. She's not sure which she hates the most, the boiler or the meter. She says: "I've only plugged the smart meter in twice. I don't need a soppy little screen to tell me how to save money and look after the planet. What was wrong with the old meter, with numbers I could read and understand?"

ANOTHER pointless leap forward for technology appears in a Christmas gift catalogue. It's an electronic key tag and fob designed for people who keep losing their keys. Simply fasten the tag to your keyring. If you lose the keys just press the electronic fob and it triggers an alarm on the tag. Brilliant – until you lose the fob.

MEMBERS of a works syndicate in Bedford thought they had won £159,709 each on the National Lottery. Instead, owing to a miscalculation by Camelot, the jackpot worked out at £124,621 each. One member declares: "It has taken away the whole excitement of winning." Yeah. Getting £124,621 must be a real bummer.

FOUR hundred years after it was written, Shakespeare's gore-fest Titus Andronicus, with its storyline of mutilation and cannibalism, still has the power to turn the stomach. The current Royal Shakespeare Company production claimed a couple of victims in a single performance a few days ago. One member of the audience fainted, another projectile-vomited in the stairwell. What a great play.