Best of Peter Rhodes - June 29

Our changing language. It is reported that one Olympic hopeful, despite much pre-Games practice, has "failed to medal".

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The Archbishop of Canterbury declares that David Cameron's idea of a Big Society is viewed by many as "aspirational waffle". That's the Church of England for you. It still can't make up its mind about homosexuality but knows instinctively that Tory social policy is bad.

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Talking of waffle, that great ducker, diver and perennial waffler Tony Blair pops up in a BBC interview to remind us he's still around, ambitious and looking for a job, possibly as President of Europe. Pressed on the matter of his open-door immigration policy, the great man declares: "In some ways, I don't regret it."

Which presumably means that "in some ways"he does and, as always, wants to be all things to all people. Blair wants to claim that mass immigration has done great things for Britain.

Yet at the same time he wants to empathise with those working-class Brits whose jobs have been taken by new arrivals from the eastern end of the EU.

I wonder whether, nearly 10 years after launching the invasion of Iraq on the basis of a monstrous untruth, Tony Blair "in some ways" regrets starting the war. The prospect of Blair as the supreme head of the EU (with Alastair Campbell as his enforcer, peut-etre?) is one that "in some ways" makes me reach for the sick bag.

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The road signs have appeared at the end of our road. The Olympic flame is due to arrive any day now and we are warned that if we leave our cars parked on the route, they will be towed away and impounded, in the great Olympian spirit. Quite what we are expected to do with the flame is not explained. I suppose we just turn up and sort of adore it. A neighbour is muttering darkly about taking a bucket of water.

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The Duchess of Cambridge, or Princess Kate as we really should start calling her, has been told she should curtsy to the Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie because they (being the daughters of Prince Andrew) are of the blood royal while Kate is a commoner. Just when the monarchy is going through a really popular phase, along comes something like this to remind us what a strange, cold, creepy and incredibly out-of-touch institution it can be.

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By demonising the under-25s on housing benefit, David Cameron is trying to create a state-benefit system which aims to separate the deserving poor from the undeserving poor. The Victorians spent most of the 19th century trying to do the same and it never worked.

But family benefits are a valid target. There is no earthly reason why the state should subsidise people to produce more than three children. We live on a crowded island. Most people have small families and see no reason why their taxes should subsidise those who, for reasons of culture, religion or pure carelessness, produce baby after baby.

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Barry Eastwood is the man who dropped £1,000 he had just withdrawn from a cash machine in Manchester and watched in horror as 20 youngsters pounced on the shower of £20 notes. To his astonishment, the kids gathered up the money and handed it to him. He recovered all but £20 of his £1,000.

Reflecting on this heart-warming incident, Mr Eastwood describes it as "a day for kindness."

The only sour note is that he has apparently used the money to pay his car insurance. So the cash scooped up by the honest kids of Manchester will soon be in the coffers of an industry riddled with get-out clauses and bedevilled with fake-accident scams and fraud.

That's the thing about money. It may pass through the hands of honest people but it usually ends up with the rogues.

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I recently reported the complaint of a reader that shoe laces now seem to last longer than trainers. Another reader reports he bought a pair of trainers that came with only a single lace. Then he realised they came from Taiwan.

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The media have been eagerly seeking out people affected by the banking computer glitch. Channel 4 News produced a young mother who opened her purse to prove she was down to her last 15p. You couldn't help noticing that at some stage she'd had enough money to pay for two armfuls of tattoos and to dye her hair blue. There I go again, being judgmental.

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Does this Government, or any government, really want good schools? Only in a maths-dysfunctional land like Britain could politicians claim that the 2012 Olympics (original budget £2.4 billion) has cost £9.5 billion instead of the feared £10 billion and the Government therefore has a "windfall" of about £500 million.

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A study in Canada suggests that the health, happiness and mobility of middle-aged people may all be improved by a daily glass or two of wine. Some of those who suddenly decreased their drinking showed a rapid decline in health.

I'm always a bit wary of surveys that link good health to expensive products. If you can afford wine every day, you are probably well-off. If you suddenly stop drinking wine, it may be because you're skint. And the golden rule of health is that rich people tend to live longer and healthier than poor people.

So is it the Merlot – or the money?