Best of Peter Rhodes - October 14

The best of this week's Peter Rhodes column from the Express & Star.

UPDATE on the lady who was quoted an eye-watering £268 by a garage to replace her electric wing mirror. She says: "Happily, I was able to order one on the internet for £60 and my brother-in-law fitted it for the price of a pint. It took him five minutes, looks great and works perfectly. "

I DON'T think I'd heard of Jim Murphy, the Shadow Defence Secretary, until the Liam Fox affair. Murphy, a Scottish MP, has come out of it rather well, demanding facts but studiously not calling for Fox's resignation. He has avoided taking cheap shots and shown dignity, maturity and restraint. God knows what he's doing in politics.

I WROTE a few days ago about a job advert for a Responsible Finance Officer. A reader is reminded of a visit to the chemist where he was confronted by a sign. "The Responsible Pharmacist is not available."

He asked whether they had an irresponsible pharmacist who could sort out his prescription. Apparently not.

EX-PYTHON Terry Jones says Monty Python's Life of Brian (1979) could not be made today because of the rise of religious extremism.

He's right. Life of Brian is a creature of its time, a happier and more relaxed age when laughing at religion, politics and people with speech impediments was permissible.

In the same way, today you rarely see an unedited screening of Mel Brooks's 1974 comedy, Blazing Saddles.

It is a brilliant satire of racism in America and yet is now deemed politically incorrect for its endless use of what we are supposed to call the N-word.

But you don't have to go back that far to see how attitudes change. Blackpool, the BBC musical drama starring David Morrissey and David Tennant, was screened in 2004.

In the final episode the hapless Morrissey declares: "I've been unluckier than a ginger stepchild."

Just seven years on, would today's thought-police allow that line?

ED MILIBAND must be seriously disappointed with his nose operation. In Wednesday's stack-up at Prime Minister's Questions, the Labour leader claimed that energy companies were mending their ways "because of what I said."

It was a bizarre moment of hubris and Cameron promptly denounced Miliband as Walter Mitty which happen to be two words the adenoidal Mr Miliband cannot pronounce. It would come out as "Wadda Biddy"

Mr Miliband's operation has not been a great success. A party leader who refers to his honourable friend as "by Hodourable Fred" and to Mr Cameron as "the Pry Bidister" is always going to irritate the public, no matter how good his arguments.

BEING nasally challenged also exposes the party leader to the suspicion of mickey-taking from his juniors. Just after the Walter Mitty incident, Dennis Macshane MP rose to complain about events in a country he called Ukraide. Maybe he's just got a cold.

I TOOK part in a charity run in Birmingham years ago and was a little surprised to see blatant cheating. Parties of runners were cheerfully signing in at one checkpoint and then getting a car ride with their mates to the next one.

Last weekend a marathon runner was caught out taking a bus almost to the finishing line in the Kielder Marathon in Northumberland. He was not only spotted by dozens of spectators but aroused suspicion by being the only runner to record a faster time for the second half of his marathon than the first.

Some people say sport builds character. I suspect it merely reinforces character. One of the best ways to detect cheats, wimps, bullies and dimwits is to put them in a running vest.

RESEARCH in the West Midlands reveals that most street-gang members are aged 13 to 29. And what do you call a 29-year-old who hangs around with boys of 13?