Mark Andrews: Gregg's underwear dilemma, why we will never see another Norman Tebbit, and how July 7, 2005 changed the country forever

So farewell Gregg Wallace, everyone's favourite celebrity cockney greengrocer, sacked by the BBC after an investigation into 50 separate allegations of 'improper conduct', including groping, flashing and offensive jokes. 

I met the man once, and can honestly say that he did not grope me, show me his wotsit, or share any jokes, offensive or otherwise. He was rather rude to our photographer though. 

Anyhow, in an example of information I would have preferred not to have received, a friend of Gregg's says he is unable to wear underpants because of his autism. I have to say, that's a new one on me, but with friends like that,, who needs enemies?

Still, I'm no expert on these things, and suppose I will have to take him at his word. But while that's the underpants malarkey out the way, perhaps Gregg - or one of his friends maybe - will share with us the medical condition that makes him compulsively drop his trousers on set? 

Just asking. For a friend.

***** 

The death of Norman Tebbit this week has sparked the usual lazy suggestions that Britain is seeing a resurgence in his brand of politics.

Looking around at some of the rent-a-quote chancers dominating Westminster at the moment, I very much doubt it. 

For all his 'Chingford Skinhead' cockney geyser caricature, Tebbit was a player of the long game. He wasn't overly fond of performative, draconian legislation or populist rabble-rousing. Explaining his strategy for trade-union reform, he said he wanted to 'always be one step behind public opinion', allowing him to make a series of small incremental changes 'almost by stealth'.

I suspect that approach would not work today. Tebbit came from an era when political strategies were quietly formulated in private by learned experts, and discussed with rigour. Today they are formulated by focus groups, debated in bile-filled exchanges on Twitter, and summarised in three- or four-word slogans. 

You only have to look at this week's 'one in, one out' immigration policy, announced during a state visit by the French president, before any of the details have actually been worked out, to see how the world has changed. 

Nobody's got the patience for incremental change. Everything has to be done yesterday.

*****

Today's political landscape is exemplified by Sir Jake Berry, the former Conservative Party chairman and cabinet minister who has now defected to Reform. And Nigel Farage's party seems pretty pleased with its new scalp.

I say former Conservative Party chairman and cabinet minister, but that may be over-egging the pudding a little. He actually held those posts for seven weeks, during Liz Truss's highly acclaimed tenure. His main contribution during that time was issuing an apology after suggesting that people struggling with soaring energy bills should either cut their consumption, or 'get a new job'. 

If he's your marquee signing, I hate to think what the free transfers look like.

***** 

July 6, 2005, and news filtered through into our office that London had been awarded the 2012 Olympic Games.

"Do you think it will lead to an increase in terrorism," asked the young girl who was on work experience.

"Nah, it's seven years away, it will all have been forgotten about by then.," I replied rather dismissively.

The following day, of course, Britain recoiled in disbelief at the 7/7 attack. 

It was a day no-one will ever forget, which brought the horrors of the 9/11 attack onto these very islands. Fifty-two people lost their lives, and nearly 800 were injured.

The Olympic Games came and went, mercifully without any tragedy, but it was a day which irrevocably changed the way we live our lives, and reminded us that we can never take our safety for granted. 

It also made me look rather foolish.