Mark Andrews: Advice for tenants with mould, a new bus logo, and why we'll never love the 'West Midlands'

‘Housing barrister’ Richard Taylor is telling private renters in England suffering from problems with mould to ‘put their complaints in writing’ to their landlord.

I’ll bet he does, that’s what barristers do. And no doubt he will recommend you find yourself a ‘housing barrister’ of your own, and sue the pants off the landlord.

But here’s a more homespun suggestion to help tenants tackle the problem, without the need for court procedures: Get a sponge and a bottle of bleach, and wipe it off yourself. Like millions of homeowners up and down the country do, all the time.

Richard Parker, regional mayor for the West Midlands, is inviting people to come up with a new name for the public transport system, once his new franchised bus services are in operation. Before anyone else says it, can I suggest, drum roll, Bussy McBus Face?

Mr Parker says he is ‘searching for a name that reflects the West Midlands, creates a distinct identity and instils pride across the region’.

And therein lies the problem. Because there isn’t one.

While I have no problem with the West Midlands as a loose geographical description for a broadly defined area that is neither north, south, the East Midlands or Wales, the idea of any sense of unity between a collection of disparate local authorities forced together at the whim of Whitehall in the mid-1970s is for the birds.

I’ve never met anybody from Dudley who feels a sense of shared identity with Coventry, and talk to any dyed-in-the-wool Black Country ‘mon’ about Birmingham, and the reaction will be, at best, one of light-hearted antipathy. Usually coupled with a mild but deep-rooted resentment towards the noisy neighbours. And a dash of schadenfreude about their bins not being collected.

The same could be said of the equally convoluted Telford & Wrekin. Who in Newport, Wellington or Ironbridge sees Telford new town as integral to their identity? It’s Shropshire, ok? Neither does anyone outside of local government describe themselves as being from Sandwell. Or Wychavon. These contrived entities were created by, and for, a bureaucratic establishment which sees everything through the prism of Greater London, and can’t comprehend why we wouldn’t want something similar. They might indulge us with a few platitudes about ‘valued local identities’, but as far as they’re concerned, we’re all Brummies really.

My fear is that this is exactly how the Prime Minister’s promise on ‘devolution’ will pan out. No real attempt to reflect historic ties, just a patchwork of ‘devolved administrations’ dreamt up by penpushers in the Big Smoke.

But these rivalries go back centuries, and will be around long after the mandarins are gone.

And it will take more than a new bus logo to make people love the West Midlands, Mr Mayor.