TV review: Fight Back Britain
If you were dining out at an Italian restaurant, which of these would you choose? Spaghetti Bolognese, lasagne or tagliatelle with meatballs in a rich tomato sauce? Bear with me. There is a point to this.
As much as I love Italian cuisine, the above dishes are essentially the same – mince, pasta and tomato sauce.
Billed as a new series, Fight Back Britain is an example of poor television scheduling, rehashing as it does the countless crime-reality and consumer-based programmes that have been on our screens for decades.
It is Watchdog meets Police Camera Action meets Rogue Traders meets blah blah blah.
Yes, the same ingredients tweaked ever so slightly to become a new 'dish'.
The programmes tend to have the same presenters too. I am sure Julia Bradbury has turned up at some point on most of these shows, and she was back last night with co-presenter Adrian Simpson to highlight the obvious.
So what fascinating and insightful acts of people power were on display in this seven minutes of television tedium stretched out over half an hour?
Four cases of individuals taking matters into their own hands were presented smugly to us by Bradbury and Simpson.
There was the case of a 30 tonne articulated lorry hurtling down the motorway in the wrong direction. Cue the obligatory interviews with M6 control room staff in a stilted, nervy, recollection of events.
Fellow truckers Simon Cotton and Christian Walenski joined forces on that stressful night to stop the lunatic driver from ploughing into oncoming cars, eventually bringing the rogue vehicle to a stop by blocking its path. Hoorah. All very commendable, but worth little more than two minutes on Midlands Today, and certainly no use on whatever form of infotainment Fight Back Britain aimed to be.
Julia then set Adrian a task – to get away as far from her as he could in half an hour. Oh, how I envied him.
The point of this segment was to illustrate the usefulness of tracking devices on mobile phones and computer equipment in the event of items being stolen. It didn't tell you how to retrieve half an hour of your life.
Apparently, mobile phone theft now accounts for almost half of all thefts in the UK. Around 300 are taken in London each day. It all makes good evidence to pass on to the police – just not great TV.
Over in Croydon, the tale of two managers from neighbouring motorcycle shops was replayed in cctv footage.
Paul Read and Adrian Couzens joined forces to prevent the theft of £50,000 worth of powerful bikes by a six-strong gang. No doubt a frightening experience for the bike traders, especially when the potential thieves produced hammers and metal bars, threatening to inflict a wound or two.
Best of all, the audience was introduced to a couple desperate to stop one repeat offender from taking particular garments from their garden.
Leanne Burrell and husband Paul had to go to extraordinary lengths to stop one thief from repeatedly nicking knickers off the washing line.
Yes, Leanne was the victim of a rather unsavoury character who roamed the streets in the night, targetting the Burrells' garden for underwear.
Prior to taking matters into their own hands, the Burrells informed the police of the unusual crime. The advice they were given was a highlight of the half hour. Get an automatic dryer. Priceless.
Instead, the couple forked out £140 for a pair of night vision surveillance cameras. On the basis of the footage, the man who took Leanne's lacy lingerie was fined £250 and given 100 hours community service.
Unfortunately, Fight Back Britain fell somewhat short of living up to its billing of being a show about have-a-go heroes. In reality, we were left with little more than the contents of the underwear thief's house – a pile of pants.
Paul Naylor
