Peter Rhodes: It's only entertainment

I'VE just bought some new walking boots. Why is that whenever we buy footwear, before we can walk in them, we have to unlace them and re-lace them in a sensible manner so they can be tightened?

AFTER yesterday's item on the Queen's English, as spoken by the Yanks, my eye fell on this contribution to the Guardian website by a graduate of University College London. Here, the cream of the academic cream cheerfully curdles the English language into something very strange. He tells readers: "As someone who applied to study economics, the chance in the world's most active financial centres at one of the world's best schools for economics was an opportunity I didn't want to not take." Pure poetry, innit?

THE NHS in crisis. 10.05am: phoned GP to fix routine appointment for blood test. 10.55am same morning: blood test carried out.

PAY attention. I am going to tell you some interesting facts about yourself. You have a tendency to be self-critical. You have a great need for other people to like and admire you. You pride yourself on being an independent thinker. You don't accept other people's statements without satisfactory proof. You have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others. Spot on? Of course I am. All the above statements apply to you, because they apply to everyone. They are known as Barnum statements, after the great American showman and master of hoaxes, P T Barnum. And they are the bedrock of every "psychic"act you'll ever see, from seances to fortune-telling and the predictions of the late, great astrologer Jonathan Cainer.

IT is a tragedy that Cainer, 58, died so young, apparently of a heart attack. His passing earlier this month has unleashed a torrent of testimonies to the alleged accuracy of his star-gazing. For a start, it is widely claimed that he predicted his own death. But he didn't. His last column before he died simply read: "We're not here for long. So make the most of every moment." That's a Barnum statement. One follower claims that Cainer predicted the death of her first husband in 1998. What Cainer actually wrote back then was: "Try not to be too nervous. The drama is over." That's another Barnum statement which could apply in various ways to thousands of readers. Astrology may bring you comfort or amusement but, as P T Barnum knew darned well, it's just entertainment. Thankfully, we Taureans are very sceptical.

DAVID Cameron says if we leave the EU we risk war because terrible things happen whenever Britain turns its back on Europe. Really? We must be working from different history books.

I SEEM to recall from O-level history that it was the 1839 Treaty of London and the 1904 Entente Cordiale that committed Britain to entering the First World War instead of watching from the sidelines. You could argue that the worst conflict this country has ever endured was the direct result not of turning our back on Europe but of getting too involved with it.

MY personal foreign policy can be summed up in four words. Make friends with Russia.