Best of Peter Rhodes - September 23

The best of this week's Peter Rhodes column from the Express & Star.

A NUMBER of finance companies advertise on telly with the slogan: "Regulated by the Ministry of Justice."

Aren't we all?

LATEST contribution on the horrifying cost of replacing car wing mirrors comes from a reader who, after being quoted £130, went on eBay and bought the identical mirror for £20. He then snapped up another pair for £30. He writes: "Result - I have spares for the next time."

The next time? We appear to be dealing with a serial sideswiper.

MEDIUMS speak to the dead and take money from the living. I have seen three of them in action and found them all deeply, and sometimes laughably, unconvincing. This week, Sally Morgan stands accused of fakery during a stage show in Dublin. She denies the claim although, in compliance with the law on "psychic" shows, her website says: "The show is for the purposes of amusement/entertainment."

But it's a pointless little debate. We sceptics will always be sceptical and the believers will always believe.

Some people find great comfort in knowing that Auntie Rose is safely in heaven, is very proud of all the kids and doesn't want you to paint the front room magnolia.

HE'S a fun-loving lad. The boys were celebrating a great victory. It's what rugby players do. So much indulgence, so many excuses. I wonder what Her Majesty makes of her granddaughter's new husband.

OH, NO, Auntie. A reader swears he heard a BBC radio presenter this week declare: "It's like deja-vu all over again."

WHO'S making up our Middle East policy these days? What on earth is the point of RAF warplanes helping Libyans liberate their country if Britain then turns its back on the UN vote to recognise Palestine as a state?

The Palestine issue is the simmering unfairness at the heart of world politics. It is part of the fury which led to 9/11, the 7/7 Tube bombings and a succession of bloody wars between Israel and its neighbours.

As a rule, Britain meekly toes the American / Israeli line on the Middle East. But all this policy brings is stagnation and more suffering.

If we are prepared to put RAF lives on the line to bring justice for the Libyans, how can we not support the vote in the UN in support of the Palestinians' age-old dream of a land they can call their own?

NICK Baines, Bishop of Bradford, says British children are impoverished by the "deplorable" decline in foreign-language teaching in our schools.

Amen to that, bishop. It does seem a backward step that Brits of my generation can struggle by in French on holiday while British kids cannot.

But when all the world is eagerly learning English, where is the incentive for our kids to learn foreign languages? And while every foreigner instinctively wants to learn English, which foreign language should English kids choose - French, German, Mandarin?

Here's a bright idea. Instead of struggling with Chinese characters or French irregular verbs, why not educate English children to write and speak fluently in English?

Radical, innit?

YOU never hear of art galleries closing down because no-one is producing new paintings. There is more than enough old stuff to exhibit and thousands more paintings stashed away in the basements to provide endless displays in the future.

Television is going the same way. Over the past 50 years untold thousands of sitcoms, drama and documentaries have been made, screened and put into storage.

Today, Auntie Beeb talks earnestly of her Delivering Quality First project which actually means cutting the budget by using many more repeats.

The day may come when television is chiefly a medium for recycling an enormous global catalogue of classic shows while new programme-making is regarded as an expensive frivolity. You may tut-tut at the prospect but how many of us, given the choice of dozens of channels, turn instinctively for repeats of Poirot, Miss Marple and Hugh Laurie at his very best in Jeeves & Wooster?

BEAR in mind, too, that as longevity increases and dementia hits epidemic levels, half of us old crocks won't even know we're watching repeats.

BEAR in mind, too, that as longevity increases and. No, hang on, I've used that bit.