Excitement level rises as temperature soars

A round up of the musings of Express & Star columnist Peter Rhodes.

A POLL released this week shows that eight out of 10 people think Britain's legal system is too soft. The other two ought to get out more.

PHEW, what a scorcher. The temperature rises so far that , at about 20C, it does that uniquely British thing of turning from Centigrade into Fahrenheit. We're in the sizzling 60s. In response to the weather, in newsrooms all over the land, we hacks are doing the "It's hotter than . . ." story, poring over weather reports to find normally-sunny places which are cooler than England. I recall a June when one of the tabloid "We're hotter than . . . " lists of cooler summer spots included not only Athens, Morocco and Ibiza but also Cape Town where it was, of course, midwinter.

"THIS is England, swearing is what we do best." Manchester United fan emailing Sky News in support of Wayne Rooney.

IT DOES seem strange that Rooney, so outgoing and vocal when screaming obscenities into the camera, is so shy and tongue-tied whenever the National Anthem is played. No-one expects him to belt out every word of God Save the Queen before every England match but when you are one of 12 men granted the amazing privilege of representing your nation of 50 million at football, is it too much to ask that Rooney might at least mumble along?

WE get the celebrities we deserve. Naomi Campbell turned up two hours late this week to open a shopping centre in London, leaving fans and photographers fuming. Being late is a celebrity thing. It makes the point that they are important and we, the common herd, are not. We should have the balls to give them an hour's grace and then clear off. If Campbell and her ilk arrived to find no crowds, no fans and no photographers, their timekeeping might improve no end. I recall that happy moment when Katie (Jordan) Price, kept her own family waiting for hours at a buffet . They did exactly what my family would have done under the same circumstances. They ate the lot. Priceless.

I SUGGESTED at the start of this year that 2011 would bring the £1.50 litre of petrol and the return of the Deutschmark. Petrol is hovering at about £1.40 and the Economist Intelligence Unit reckons this week there is a one in seven chance of the EU abandoning the euro. I am not a betting man but this might be worth a punt - or possibly a double.

PRINCE Charles complains he has been ridiculed for his attempts to bring the faiths together. To be fair, he has also been ridiculed for all sorts of other stuff. As for the Prince's unshakable faith, it is probably explained by his circumstances. Be honest. If you, simply by being born to the right mother, had acquired a shedload of titles, an income for life, the Duchy of Cornwall and the eventual title of King of England, without sitting a single exam or job interview, wouldn't you believe in God? Frankly, it would be downright ungrateful not to.

THE new P logo is appearing on television, alerting us to the fact that some ITV programmes are now sponsored by product placement. This explains the sudden prominence of certain brands of cars, chocolates, computers and so on in drama scenes. It raises a fascinating question. Obviously, dramas set in the present day provide huge scope for product placement. But how many products could you place, for example, in Downton Abbey, set in 1915. Brasso? Horlicks? Black-lead grate polish, perhaps? Could product placement be the death of costume dramas? On the same topic, a reader asks: "What about Walking With Dinosaurs?"

Good point. As a mighty Tyrannosaurus rex thunders through a primeval forest, that jar of Marmite in the foreground is going to stick out like a sore thumb.

I OFFER this glimpse into the future. Gaddafi's son produces an acceptable road map to a democratic Libya. Gaddafi goes into exile. Free and fair elections held. Libya resumes oil sales and becomes North Africa's first liberal democracy with prosperity and human rights for all. Allied air armada withdraws. No-fly zone is cancelled. Libyan airspace suddenly fills with pigs.

DEFINITIONS for our time. Balderdash: rapidly receding hairline.