A tale to warm the heart

I guarantee this tale will gladden your heart, writes Peter Rhodes.

Confronted by a burglar in his home, a Coventry man grabbed the intruder in a headlock and held him until police arrived.

By this time the intruder, described as "built like a rugby player," was in tears. Diddums.

The householder told a reporter: "This is my house, my castle. I am not a rich man. We are in a recession and people in this country have to stick together, look out for each other."

It is worth noting that the householder, Adam Kalinowski who is such an eloquent spokesman for British values, is Polish. The burglar was English.

This incident supports Rhodes' First Law of Immigration which states that it really doesn't matter how many foreigners come to live here, so long as for every decent newcomer who arrives, we can chuck out one of our own home-grown scumbags.