Peter Rhodes on Trump, Hitler and how best to mark the passing of a tyrant

“We didn't do anything wrong,” declared Trump, implying that whatever happened he was not alone. In case anyone missed the point, he added: “I'm a very innocent man.” Not merely innocent, you will note, but very innocent which is a degree of innocence bordering on hugely innocent, massively innocent or entirely innocently innocent.

Note also that The Orange Thing did not claim to be bigly innocent. He has been accused a couple of times of using the word “bigly” in public addresses but his supporters insist he actually uttered the sporting term “big league.” So in his own eyes he is probably big-league innocent.

If living politicians can be awkward, dead ones cause endless problems. The death of Iran's bloody-handed president Ebrahim Raisi, the “Butcher of Tehran,” was marked with a minute's silence by the United Nations. Some sang his praises but Britain, France and the United States pointedly boycotted the event.

So what is the right note to strike on the passing of a tyrant? In April 1945 the Irish leader Éamon de Valera called on the German Minister, Eduard Hempel, in Dublin to offer condolences on the death of Adolf Hitler. With hindsight, this is often regarded as a mistake.

I mentioned our friends from Bavaria and their hugely impressive electronic lawnmower called Dobby which sent a distress message after stalling in their garden, 700 miles away. But if that little marvel was stunning, the self-driving software on their Zeppelin-sized SUV was straight out of sci-fi. If someone parks too close for you to open the door, you simply whistle up an app on your smartphone which starts the engine, aligns the wheels and slowly reverses the beast until you can get in and drive off.

For a moment I had a vision of the self-driving SUV running over Dobby the distressed lawnmower and crushing it like a waffle but it was only my inbred British envy of German technology. Vorsprung durch thingummy, and don't mention the lawn.