Peter Rhodes on new-tech stoves, Labour's Mr Cool and a big bill for doctors

This is why they don't qualify for National Insurance relief and why an assortment of doctors, having studied the small print in the Budget, are expecting NI demands of £40,000 a year or more and howling with rage, anguish and betrayal.

'Twas ever thus with Budgets. First, the 12-week build up, then a series of last-minute leaks, then the Big Day itself. And a few days after that, the dawning realisation that honeyed promises such as “free beer for all the workers” actually translate as “the mass sacking of barstaff, hotel employees and doctors' receptionists.”

Ms Reeves' collection of terminological inexactitudes may be remembered in history as the finest, most timely Budget in 1,000 years of English governance. On the other hand. . .

Back in July I referred to Labour's big gun as “the soft-spoken, coolly efficient and mildly sinister Pat McFadden.” In a weekend column one of Fleet Street's finest agrees, noting his “polite Glaswegian menace.” McFadden is certainly the right man to handle the media circuit as the Budget crashes and burns. Amid the flames, coolness.

Footnote to yesterday's gripping epistle about the car which had to be scrapped when a single component broke. The doomed car had a mere 70,000 miles on the clock. I discovered that the recovery lorry that carted it off to the breaker had 340,000.

Nine months ago we had our faithful old log-burner stove removed and replaced with a new low-emissions model. I was always a bit sceptical about those claims for heat efficiency but this new-tech stove pours out prodigious quantities of heat while consuming fuel like Scrooge sipping his broth. Two little logs keep us warm from tea to bedtime. I can't believe any government in its right mind would dream of outlawing such stoves, especially for rural homes.

“In its right mind.” Aye, there's the rub.