Peter Rhodes on elections, champagne and handing over a poisoned chalice
I suppose, six days after the announcement in the rain, I really ought to wind myself up and say something dazzlingly insightful about the General Election. But it's a tedious outlook, isn't it?
No matter how the activists try to dress it up, this is an uninspiring contest between two very similar, vanilla-flavoured social-democratic parties fighting for a bland patch of centre ground with policies and spending limits so similar that you couldn't slip a playing card between them.
The most truthful thing anyone ever wrote about such contests was the poem On A General Election, a ditty by Hilaire Belloc (1870-1953). Although he doesn't name any party, Belloc is clearly reflecting on the defeat of a Conservative government and the election of a party which claims – unconvincingly – to be radical and different:
The accursed power which stands on Privilege
(And goes with Women, and Champagne and Bridge)
Broke - and Democracy resumed her reign:
(Which goes with Bridge, and Women and Champagne)
And that's how this election will be. If the polls are any guide, some time in the night of July 4/5 Rishi Sunak will phone Keir Starmer to concede defeat. Starmer's comrades will go mad with joy but that will be their high point before the long, grim, disillusioning descent into real life begins.
And what of the shattered, defeated Tories? Some are already admitting that a spell in Opposition would be no great tragedy. In Government, pitted against a disloyal Civil Service, a bloody-minded House of Lords, awkward-squad courts, unfriendly media and interminable street protests, the Tories had a hard time. If by some miracle they were re-elected in July, they might find themselves trying to govern a Tory-hating country which has become ungovernable.
What sweet relief it might be for the Tories to take a break and let Starmer and Co face the flak for a few years. Hand over the poisoned chalice to Labour and chill out with the bridge, the women, the champagne.
PS: Regarding the above, I am honour-bound to point out that I have been covering general elections since 1970 and my track record for predicting the results is absolutely abysmal.
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